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She followed his gaze. Then I saw something light up in her eyes. “What would you think about me making a quick trip into town today? I could get us some canned food and maybe some fresh stuff that will last a while? Apples, beans—”
“Yes,” Meghan encouraged her. “Yes, girl. Get out of here.”
I didn’t have time to cheer. The scowl was back on his face. “Are you kidding me right now, April? How stupid can you be? You think you’re just going to go shopping and then toddle back here? Someone will recognize you. Someone will recognize the van. Unless maybe that’s what you want?” The scowl deepened into something even uglier. It was the first time I’d seen him seriously consider the idea that she might run. Despite berating her at every turn since they’d gotten to this miserable little prison, he’d clearly never really thought she’d turn on him. She wasn’t real to him. She and the girls had never been more than accessories to his life. Worth keeping around when they were useful. No reason not to discard them when they became inconvenient.
April tried again, raking her hand through the back of her thin, blond hair to fluff it up in a nervous tell I’d started to recognize. I could hear the desperation bleeding into her voice now. “They’re looking for you, not me, and I’ll park way before town and walk in. Nobody would see the license plate or anything. I could wear a hat, and without makeup I really don’t look like myself—”
He cut her off, snatching the coffee maker out of her hand and splashing water down the front of her shirt. “You have to plug it in, you moron. And no, we are not taking the risk for apples and beans. I’m sorry we aren’t eating high on the hog, but you’re the one who packed all these meals. Maybe if you’d done the math right, or figured out that they all tasted disgusting and would give everybody the runs, things might be a little nicer.”
She stared at him in stunned silence, and I prayed to God that he couldn’t tell as well as I could that his wife was hearing every word he said with a new filter. No more rationalizing. No more pretending. He was a ticking time bomb about to blow up in her face.
He stared back, as if daring her to try again. From down the hallway, there was the sound of a door opening and little-girl voices.
April snapped her mask back in place, grabbing a threadbare towel from above the stove to press against her soaked shirt. “You’re right,” she told him apologetically. “I’m sorry. It was a stupid idea. I’ll clean all this up and have the girls help me with breakfast. I’m sorry,” she repeated, reaching out for his arm again.
He shrugged her away and turned toward the hall, not bothering to respond to the excited chorus of “Hi, Daddy!” as he walked back to the bedroom.
The long fluorescent bulbs in the kitchen light overhead blinked erratically for a few seconds. They seemed to be less susceptible to our emotions than the halogen variety. I knew the halogen variety would have popped a long time ago.
April glanced at the light then turned on a smile as the girls burst into the kitchen. “Is Daddy angry again?” Emma pouted.
Kimmie’s eyes landed on April’s wet shirt. “You have an accident, Mommy?”
“God, find a way to get these babies out of here,” I mumbled, watching Kimmie pat April’s hip comfortingly. I still didn’t know what I thought about God. I’d really expected to have some answers by now. I prayed anyway, though. Because there wasn’t much else to do.
“It’s okay, Mommy,” Kimmie assured her, echoing the words I’d heard April say when Kimmie herself really did have an accident once in a while.
For a split second, it looked like April’s mask might come down. Her lip trembled slightly as she looked at the girls and around the small kitchen, her gaze resting on the hallway where he’d disappeared a few seconds ago. The babies were awake. There were no car keys to be found. They were trapped.
She pursed her lips and grabbed Kimmie’s hand, directing her to the meals along the living room wall. “Oh, I just spilled, baby! I was trying to surprise you guys with hot cocoa. Will you help me find the packet? We’ll share it and drink little tea party cups.”
The girls eagerly helped search through the buckets while April took steadying breaths and quickly swiped at a tear that had managed to escape down one of her cheeks.
44. MEGHAN
Cascade, Idaho
She actually brought him a little cup of the damn hot chocolate.
I wasn’t sure I could have done it myself. But she did, and he looked grudgingly grateful and didn’t try to stop her when she told him that she was going to play out front with the girls to build more “pinecone people.”
The three of us followed her into the clearing by the cabin, where the girls always played. Kimmie and Emma, still riding the hot chocolate high, were so engaged in a conversation about whether the pinecone people would eat pine needles or moss that they didn’t realize April had led them past the clearing and onto a trail until she took the two girls by the hand and pulled them behind a tall pine with boughs that dipped thick and low enough to obscure the view of the cabin a hundred yards away.
“Mommy!” Kimmie started to argue, her rosebud lips already headed for a frown. This wasn’t the right spot.
“Listen to your mama,” Skye hissed in her ear, and she went silent before April could hush her.
Kimmie paused mid-word and frowned.
April looked momentarily startled by Kimmie’s seeming mind-reading but didn’t stop to ask questions. Skye and I looked at each other. “Whoa,” I whispered.
April reached out to stroke both girls’ cheeks. Her expression was serious, but with a little conspiratorial smile. “You guys know how Daddy has been kind of grumpy and we’ve all been feeling kind of yucky in our tummies?” She held one finger to her lips to cut short any overly loud replies.
The girls nodded.
“Well, you know how I surprised you with the hot chocolate this morning? I want us to surprise Daddy again.”
Everyone leaned closer to April, dying to know the plan.
