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“Heeeeeey, Soul Family!” I crooned, making sure the smile on my face reflected. “I’m so excited to be giving you this world-wide exclusive. I’m here, standing in front of the first ever dating service for human-alien relations. Now, I know a bunch of you in the chat are going off about how this is a prank, that there is no way, that I’m just going to yank you around by promising a long time and not giving you anything, but guess what? This is the real deal, and you’re going to be with me every step of the way, and that includes first contact. We are going to talk to a real, live alien and we are going to do it TODAY. Are you ready? Put some eggplants in the chat if you are with me!”
I giggled at that one, completely entertained with my own cheekiness as my chat became absolutely covered in purple eggplant emojis.
I pushed open the door.
“Welcome to the Mated Marriage Matchups,” Caley called out louder this time. “Where your matrimony melancholy comes to an end!”
“Oh no, we are going to work on your tagline,” I laughed. “Soul Fam! Drop some suggestions in the chat!”
“Wait, are you livestreaming?” Caley asked, her voice dropping in volume.
“Don’t worry, they can’t see you,” I said. Then I leaned into the camera and spoke in a faux whisper. “She’s shy.”
“No, it’s okay, the whole point of this is to go live with the matchmaking service,” Caley said. “I just need to check to make sure that your match is okay with being live streamed. He’s on his way right now.”
She tapped on a device in front of her on the desk. It looked a bit like a tablet, but it was different from any one I’d seen on the market before.
“I thought the point was to find me a hot alien male,” I laughed, half talking to Caley and half talking to the stream as I winked at the camera. My chat loved when I was smiley and flirty. People really seemed to enjoy the positive energy that flowed out of me, and it was really important for me to give them what they wanted.
“Yes… well you’re our first human client so it is the start, or going live, or whatever,” Caley stammered out.
I looked past the camera at my friend.
She had come out from behind the counter and was standing there wringing her hands. She was wearing the same heavy black baggy sweats that she preferred, even now for her first day of work. Even though she said it was okay, I didn’t point the camera at her. I’d known this woman since elementary school. She didn’t want fame or notoriety. The level of hate that was already thrown my way because of simply dating would absolutely crush her. Though she was now a part of running this matchmaking service, she didn’t want to be the face of it.
That was where I came in.
No one would be bothering her if I was the one they were talking about.
I was here to be the face of this whole thing by showing the process of it. I was going through the whole process, start to finish. It didn’t hurt that dating had been absolute hell for me. Trying to date as a celebrity was a pain. I couldn’t guarantee that anyone was interested in me for me, rather than for the characters I played or the status I could convey just by existing next to them.
I still wasn’t sure if I’d go ahead with the whole marriage thing.
I’d need to make sure the guy was down with it being a fake marriage for publicity’s sake, but as long as he was down for that, I was definitely going forward. This was going to drive my popularity through the roof. I bet the conservative news channels would be talking shit about me for years.
Besides, this guy was supposed to be my perfect match.
If that was the case he was going to love being in the spotlight just as much as me.
“Okay, Caley,” I said. “Tell my viewers how this whole thing works. I haven’t met this guy. I’m not picking him out in the standard way. Break it down for us.”
“Oh, okay,” Caley said. “Well, as you know, this matchmaking service is about compatibility on more than just a mental way… so normally you fill out questions and look at profiles and you pick each other based on pictures and what you wrote right? Well, we started from a different direction by taking the biological samples from you and from the applying aliens. The Norratar find their mates, or marriages as we put it, through the complex biological process of their symbiote. We mimic that process, so that you know that anyone you are matched with is an actual match to you. There are less of those than you would think. After that, we make sure you two fit each other's additional needs, such as a willingness or ability to migrate to Earth and deal with some of the intricacies of Earth’s integration into the galactic scene, or a desire to move to the alien’s planet of residence. Things like that.”
“What if I don’t like him?” I ask, glancing back at my phone and flashing it a smile. I still was only showing myself on the screen. There was sweat beading around my forehead and I felt the slight hint of nausea creeping up. I already knew it was going to get worse. Last time I’d gone this long between doses, I’d come close to throwing up.
“Well, after we find you a match, you meet in person as you’re about to do,” Caley said. “Then, if you both decide you want to move forward, you start a trial marriage which lasts for one year as long as the deal breakers are respected.”
“Why a marriage?” I ask. I already knew the answer to this and was chill with it, or I wouldn’t have agreed to do this. The question was mainly for the new members of my audience who weren’t up to date and were freaking out in my chat. “Why not just date for a year?”
My hand was trembling and there was a slight jitter in the camera. I shifted around, moving the phone more than necessary to hid the shaking. Where had I put my purse?
“All matches are biologically compatible, and the different cultures submitting to our service have different attitudes towards dating and mating, so to make things easier for everyone involved, every alien that signs up for the service has to agree to the marriage contract that you also have reviewed and has agreed to an Earth based mediation if the relationship comes to an end after a year and there are children involved,” Caley finished the cascade of words by sucking in a deep breath before launching into the next segment of what she had to say. “Unless of course you waive that right in writing, which we advise against for specific species. All of the different species clauses are detailed in the contract you read. For example, for a marriage to one of the Shek’invitali, you actually agree to their laws as they are incredibly favorable towards human women. We have a lot of applicants from there by the way so if you decide you don’t like the mate we found you can always-”
“So I have to fuck him?” I ask, deliberately being crude. My purse was on my shoulder. Of course it was hanging of my shoulder, where else would I have put it?
My heart was racing. It felt like there was a weight pressing down on my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I reached into my purse and felt for my Blamex. I needed to take it now but I couldn’t do that on camera. I had to wait. My neck felt tight, so I let go of the prescription pills and rubbed my neck.
I had to focus on the moment.
