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She’s been making homemade strawberry ice cream for Holden every few days since he’s been home. She makes a huge batch of it so that he has enough stocked away in the freezer for his nightly bowl, banishing the other guys from touching it.
“You ever think you and Holden are a little too close?” I change the subject, not wanting to dive into anything that’s on my mind.
Dolly shrugs. “He killed a man and went to prison to protect me. Homemade ice cream is the least I can do to repay him.”
They were always close, but the incident with Cain amplified their bond tenfold.
A bite of guilt gnaws at my side. I’ve been letting my personal issues with Holden interfere with my friendship with Dolly when I should be happy that she finally has her older brother back.
“I just wish he didn’t have it out for me. It’s making for a toxic work environment.”
Dolly sorts through a pile of bright green limes, meticulously inspecting each one before selecting the ones she wants. We’ve made our weekly shopping hauls into a ritual, always stopping for a croissant at the bakery and white chocolate lattes with almond milk at the in-store coffee shop. I sip on mine slowly, savoring each taste after the long week I’ve had.
“He’s being protective. I told you, he just needs time to get used to you being around. He’s naturally suspicious, and who knows if he’s still mentally operating on a prisoner’s social hierarchy? I’ve been reading this book about helping loved ones adjust back to civilian life. The trauma that ex-cons survived in prison is something they might never talk about. We can’t know what he’s seen or endured. Have you noticed how enormous his shoulders have gotten? He probably had to fight to protect himself.” She shudders.
Yeah, I haven’t stopped noticing how big and muscular his shoulders are … as well as how vascular his hands are and how defined and toned his abs, back muscles?—
“You know what I think would help?” She interrupts my corrupt thoughts, causing my cheeks to flush, as if she could hear what was going through my head. She directs a meaningful look at me. “I think you and Duke should really just try going out again. If you started dating him again, Holden would have no choice but to?—”
I hold a hand up. “We aren’t like that anymore. I really don’t see Duke that way. Plus, I thought you were done with any friends who hang around just to sleep with your brothers?”
There’s an endless list of friends Dolly’s lost after they ended up in one or another of her brother’s beds. She always feels used, and usually, she’s right. The friendships were a farce from the start.
She waves me off, setting the huge bag of limes inside the cart and moving over to the lemons. “I lost friends because they only wanted to talk to me to get close to one of the guys. You’re different. You’ve already dated one. And we’ve been friends since first grade. You didn’t even know I had four older brothers back then. I’ve decided I want you to be my sister. I’ve caught Duke looking at you longingly a few times lately. I don’t think he’s over it at all. What y’all had before was high school; it was immature. You’ve both grown up a lot.”
I push the cart forward as we make our way through the produce. She’s romanticized the idea of us in her head so much now that I don’t know how she’ll ever let it go. She’s never liked any other guy I’ve ever dated, which is hardly anyone. My dating track record is almost as sad as hers.
After changing the subject and chatting about what our recipe plans are for the week, Dolly stops right in her tracks in the middle of the cracker aisle. I nearly run into her with the basket.
“Was it the sex? Is that it?” she says.
I freeze. “Huh?”
She spins around. “I know we’ve never talked about it because he’s my brother and it would be weird as hell, but was he, like, bad in bed? Is that why?”
“Shh,” I shush her, looking around. “You are talking so loud right now.”
“Well, was that it?” she insists. “You told me you only made out with Trevor, and you let Cody suck on your boobs, right? So, the only guy you’ve had sex with is Duke.”
I open my mouth, shutting it and pursing my lips before finally speaking. “Duke and I never did … it.”
She stares at me, jaw slightly ajar. “All this time, I thought I was the only virgin between us. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I bite my lip. After Holden’s arrest, Duke and I stayed together for a while, but I was too shaken up about the entire thing. We finally broke up, and Dolly and I quit speaking. Once she and I finally worked our issues out and became friends again, I only told her about the guys and experiences I’d had since. None of them were memorable.
“I’m sorry.” I shrug. “It wasn’t exactly a secret or anything. We did fool around, and he took my top off and sucked on my nipples. That’s where it stopped.”
She nods, turning to select a box of crackers from the shelf. “Well, I’m pretty sure he hooked up with Shayley Brown a few times after the breakup. She said they did anyway. I haven’t asked him.”
She turns and studies me, gauging my reaction. I laugh, tightening my thick, low ponytail.
“I am not bothered by it, okay? I’m sorry, but there’s just nothing there anymore. And if he is bad in bed, I’d have no earthly idea or anything to even compare it to. I’m not exactly saving myself, but you know better than anyone how shallow and smelly the dating pool is around here.”
She groans. “Ugh, tell me about it. I haven’t even had a crush on anyone in ages. We should see if we can start getting a say in the next ranch hands they hire and only let the hot ones through.”
I laugh. “Yes, excellent idea. They’re always picking the ones that are missing teeth or have horrible breath.”
“Who’s missing teeth and has horrible breath?”
