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“That doesn’t give you the green light to act like a spoiled brat, Ava.”
I swallow, his words hurting me more than they should.
“Creigh!” Anni scolds.
“You’re channeling too much of his energy today, Cray Cray. If I’d wanted to be chewed out, I would’ve stayed with him.”
“I’m just saying you’re lost and that's understandable.” His voice softens—as much softening as Creigh is capable of. “Butyou’re going about solving this situation the wrong way. Over the past few years, whenever you’ve caused trouble, he’s made it his mission to retaliate tenfold worse. Don’t you think it’s time to try a different tactic, especially since you tied the knot?”
I purse my lips before I say I don’t know any other way. It doesn’t help that the last few interactions have left me with a mountain of confusion and a morbid yearning.
For what, I don’t know.
“Knots can be untied,” I mutter instead.
Creigh watches me for a beat before he shakes his head. “I highly doubt that.”
“You said you wanted to marry him,” Anni says.
“People change their minds all the time. If I think I want to be out of this game, I can simply retreat.”
“If you believe this is a mere game to Eli, then you’re sorely mistaken,” Creigh says between bites.
“He’s always playing games, not fairly, might I add. Why can’t I do the same?”
“You certainly can, but we both know you’re unable to handle the consequences.”
I stab my sushi as I glare at him, and the worst part is that I have no comeback, because he’s right.
My battles with Eli have no goal or aim. It’s as if I’m floating in the air, hoping to find a port somewhere.
“So, Ava. In the group chat, you said you’re practicing the cello,” Anni changes the subject not so subtly. “Are you thinking about participating in any competitions?”
“Nope. I’m just having fun on my own.” If I put pressure on myself again, I’ll lose my newfound connection with the cello.
And with reality.
That’s probably why I’ve been religiously taking my meds and didn’t order a drink even when I had the chance to.
I’m here, and I want to be here for as long as possible.
Dr. Blaine said my amnesia is not forcibly related to my mental condition, but I highly doubt that.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” Anni beams, then goes back to fawning over Creigh and sharing her food.
Third-wheeling sucks.
Thankfully, they soon realize I’m still here—or more like, Anni does. Creigh seems to shut out the entire world when she’s around. We talk about life, her ballet shows, and Creigh’s MBA at Princeton, which he’s only pursuing so he can be with her in the States.
It’s weird hearing how all of my friends' lives have moved forward and I’m stuck in two years ago.
No, it’s much worse.
I’m stuck several years back, in a muddy swamp of lethal emotions, numb awareness, and sudden breakdowns.
The thought that one of those episodes will sneak up on me and engulf me in a silent white cloud haunts me day and night. In part, that’s why I don’t want to sleep.
The other part is that I’ve starved my body of sleep so much, it now refuses to knock itself down.
