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“Does it hurt? What is it, Ava?”
She straightens with stiff movements and stares at my chest with wide eyes, fresh tears streaming down her face. “I…I asked you to let me go and you…you said no and I…I…I stabbed you! The scar in your abdomen is because of me.”
“You didn’t mean to. I tried to disarm you.” I speak so carefully, my voice is barely audible.
“B-but I hurt you…I…” The hand grasping the shard of glass trembles as she drops it to her side. “I stabbed you and…and…the knife fell and I stepped backward and fell down the stairs. I hurt you…you were bleeding so much.”
“I’m fine.” I tug my shirt out of my trousers and show her the healed wound. “See? I’m not in pain anymore.”
Her watery gaze falls to my skin and a fresh wave of tears cascade down her cheeks. “But Iamin pain. Right here.” She hits her chest. “But especially here.” She bangs on her head with a fist. “I’m in so much pain. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Everything’s going to be all right.”
“No, it won’t. I think it’s time I accept that.” She pushes the shard of glass against her neck.
“Ava, no!”
“Divorce me or I will kill myself.” She tilts her head back and holds the glass so close to the pulse point I’ve been obsessing over for months. A droplet of blood cascades down her porcelain skin and soaks the collar of her dress.
“You got it. I’ll divorce you. Now, let go.” I approach her slowly, my muscles tightening and my heart hammering.
“And you’ll transfer the guardianship to Papa?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ll let me go? For good?”
“Yes—” Once I’m within reach, I snatch the piece of glass and throw it against the opposite wall and then wrap my arms around her from behind, restraining both her hands in front of her.
I’m panting, my breaths strained as if I’ve run a marathon. My wife struggles and kicks and releases animalistic sounds.
“If you don’t do as promised, I’ll find a way to commit suicide. Whether by throwing myself off a bridge, a building, or in front of a train. I will swallow a bottle of pills or slice my wrists or even hang myself. I will do everything to take myself fromyour vicinity if you don’t give me back my freedom. I promise I will! I promise I will!”
Her words have no different effect than if she’d stabbed me again.
No.
They’re much worse.
A few months ago, she wanted to kill me to leave me. Now, she’s willing to kill herself just to escape me.
Fucking hell.
Keeping her restrained with one hand, I reach to the drawer behind me and retrieve the first aid kit, fumble around until I find the syringe with the tranquilizer, then gently inject it in her arm.
Ava’s movements slow down and her eyes droop. As she goes heavy in my arms, a final tear leaves her eye as she stares at me. “I’d rather die than stay married to you.”
And then she goes still.
I drop my forehead to hers and allow myself to mourn my wife one final time.
39
ELI
NIGHT OF THE ACCIDENT
When I forcibly discharged Ava from the mental institute, everyone was against it.
