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“I very much do. While I want to provoke Eli, I don’t wish to end up on the top of his mile-long hit list, but since I’m here anyway, might as well make it worth my while. Let me ask you something. Are you aware your therapist changed?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know why?”
“My previous therapist left the UK.”
“By choice?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Just a question. Next one, have you had any strange episodes lately?”
“No. I’ve been rather stable since I woke up in the hospital.” Aside from that panic attack outside the restaurant, I haven’t had any of my usual episodes. I used to be on edge anticipating the next one, but I’ve been so content lately that I’ve started to get used to this anxiety-free life.
Even if a part of me still shivers at the thought of going to sleep and constantly thinks of my next epic meltdown.
“Ever wondered why?” Lan asks.
“New meds. They’re really good and have little side effects, mostly lethargy, but not too often.”
“Cool.”
“Cool? What’s the meaning of this questionnaire, Lan?”
“Just bringing things into perspective. That’s all.”
“That’s never all with you. What are you trying to tell me?”
“I don’t know. Truly. It would’ve been different if I’d found you in your usual spot as the founder of Eli’s anti-fan club, but to my dismay, you’ve changed.”
“I…have not.”
“Barbie, please. You just talked to Uncle Aiden like Eli’s devout wife who’s trying to take the burn off her husband. You haven’t only changed, but you’re diving headfirst into your old feelings for him.”
“I would never give him my heart again. Not after he broke it.”
“Hey, there’s no need to convince me. And if it’s of any consolation, I do believe he’s doing this for your sake. Deep down, he cares. In his own screwed-up, twisted way, but his methods will sooner or later come to bite him in the arse.”
“Cares?Eli?”
“A man doesn’t go to the lengths of eliminating each one of your prospects and then proceed to marry you if he doesn’t care.”
“Ownership and care aren’t the same thing, Lan.”
“No, but they can coexist.” He pushes off the door and opens it for me. “Should you be driving?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He merely shrugs as I slide in and place the food containers in the passenger seat.
Lan waves at me while I pull out from my parents-in-law’s house. As I listen to cello performances by a Finnish soloist, Lan’s words keep playing in the back of my head.
It’s true that I had many questions after I caught Eli and even Sam in a lie, but I chose to ignore said discrepancies for the sake of my peace of mind.
Lan implied whether or not the truth is worth sacrificing my current stability.
A few months ago, I would’ve always gone for the truth, but right now as I stare at my wedding band and think of everything that comes with it, I’m not sure if that’s the right solution.
