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What you didn’t know at that time was I had never let anyone live with me, not even Nico, Rocco, or Val. I always kept a wall up between me and the people I loved. I knew no other way to be. You came in like a wrecking ball and smashed the carefully constructed walls around me down.
She stops and grins at me. “Damn right I did.”
“Natalia,” I say her name, but she holds up her hand, I ignore it. “I know what I wrote in that letter. But I need to know if you have an answer to my last question?”
Those sapphire-blue eyes narrow on me. “This ….?” she asks as she starts reading what I wrote.
Natalia, I fucked up. You were the single greatest thing in my life, and I started it with a lie, and I ended it with a lie.
Those blue eyes flick up at me before looking back down at the piece of paper.
I lied when I told you I didn’t love you.
Letting you think that you don’t own my heart is the biggest regret of my life. You own me. Forever and always.
Another tear slips down her cheek.
Fuck.
“Natalia,” I say, taking a step toward her. I can’t stand here and watch her cry like this, it’s ripping my heart out.
She holds up her hand. “Don’t, please let me finish, you owe me that,” she says with steely determination, and she’s right, I do.
I don’t know how you could ever forgive me for the way I’ve treated you this past month, but if there is a chance that maybe we could start over again, that I could be worthy of a second chance of loving you, then call either Nico or Val, and they will give you my coordinates.
I’ll never stop loving you, Natalia, no matter your choice. Thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved. I should have looked after your heart better than I did.
Tears continuously fall down her cheeks now as she looks up at me.
“You broke it you know. My heart.”
My stomach sinks as bile starts to rise. I hate myself for breaking her heart like I did.
“I know.” There are no other words I can say that can erase my actions.
“Then you had the audacity to write me this letter when you were ready to speak your truth, but you weren’t interested when I wanted to speak mine. Do you think I’m ready to hear it now?”
I swallow hard. This is not going to end happily ever after.
“I wasn’t. I threw your letter in the bin because I couldn’t read another word from you telling me what we had was a mistake.” My eyes widen at that. “You can thank my mother for being a busybody and reading some of it, okay all of it, before giving it to me and then making me read it,” she explains. “You left me alone, Alessandro. Alone.”
I lick my lips as I find it incredibly hard to speak. “I thought you were better off.”
“How can I be better off when you’re not in my life,” she says, sobbing.
It takes me a moment to realize what she said. “I’m an idiot, Natalia. I wish I could turn back time and do things differently. I felt so guilty that you’d fallen in love with me. Then I started doubting that you really loved me because how could anyone like you, this ray of sunshine, fall in love with me, this monster.”
“I never thought you were a monster,” she says quietly.
“It’s what I saw in the mirror every single day.”
“Fuck it,” she says, rushing the last couple of steps as she launches herself into my arms, and I catch her as she wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. “Fuck you, Conti, for thinking you know what is good for me. Because I’m no good without you,” she declares.
Wait. What did she say?
“Unfortunately, I can’t fucking live without you. I tried, it sucked, and that’s annoying. So here we are.”
This can’t be happening. I dared to hope but never thought …
