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And I just love the shit out of you, Julia Ridgeway.
“You’re not jealous,” she murmurs, expression softening. It’s not a question.
“Get rid of him,” I continue, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’m practically begging you. I would never get in the way of your life or your friends, but it’s painful for me to have to see you with him. Please.”
I’ve laid my soul bare in the most desperate, last-ditch attempt I’ve ever made in my life. I doubt she realizes it.
She reaches out and places her hand in mind. “He’s my friend. I’m going to check on him, and then I’m going to come right back here. I promise.”
Alone and frustrated, I enter the suite and shut the door with my back. This is what I feared. She probably thinks I’m afraid of her leaving, not that Jay is a shitbag. My hang-ups and my pathetic past are going to distract her from what’s real.
I want to take it back. I want to rewind to a day ago when Julia thought I was carved from pure marble, nothing soft in me whatsoever. I don’t want her to think of me as a man who isolated himself from the world all because he was dumped by a woman who now spends her time making bad homemade pizzas and knitting.
When she returns to the room fifteen minutes later, I’m seated wearily at the end of the bed with my shirt half undone, hair a mess, simmering in regret. Our eyes meet.
Immediately, I know something is wrong.
Her face doesn’t brighten when she sees me. She looks bewildered and practically dazed as she joins me on the end of the bed. At once, all my agonizing seems trivial. Julia needs me.
“What happened?” I rest my hand on her thigh and stroke.
She glances at me, reluctance on her face. Eventually, she lowers her lips to speak, but hesitates. The silence between us persists for at least half a minute while she contends with a newfound reluctance to say what’s on her mind.
My hand continues to stroke her leg, and finally she breathes out and says to me, “Jay told me he’s in love with me.”
Fuck.
Chapter 23: Julia
Gus’s face shifts into a frown unlike any I’ve ever seen. His expression is so tight, it looks painful. “He did what?” he practically growls through his teeth.
I swallow hard and exhale before I repeat it all back to Gus.
Julia, I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen years old. I want you—and only you. I want to marry you. Start a family with you. Be with you forever. How could you not know?
The confession had been weighty and unexpected, arising after I placidly informed him that Gus would not be leaving. Jay’s cheeks had darkened from pink to red, and I swear I’d never seen him—or anyone—look so betrayed.
I tried to explain to him how much Gus means to me. I even broke my NDA a second time to tell him about the deal and show that I never planned on falling for Gus. Jay’s only response was to tell me he loved me.
“And what did you do?” Gus asks, clearly using all his willpower to keep his tone measured and even. “Did you…”
“I said I needed to think.”
Immediately, a look of hurt crosses Gus’s face, but he quickly stifles it by folding his lips over his teeth and inhaling. “Okay,” he breathes out. “Fine. Let’s think.”
“No, I don’t need to think,” I clarify, my heart surging when he reacts so thoughtfully. “I only said it to get some space from him and to let him down easy.”
Confused, Gus raises an eyebrow. “In what way?”
“I don’t love Jay,” I say before I shift to face him and put my hands on his shoulders. “I do love him as a friend, and I have since I was a teenager. But we’re not supposed to be together.”
“He’s not what you want.” Gus works hard to keep the delight from his face, but not hard enough. A wry smile dances at the corner of his lips like a perpetual wallflower.
“He doesn’t fuck me like you do,” I go on, rubbing his shoulders as I speak. “He doesn’t make me go wild when he’s inside me…nor does he make me miss him when he’s away.”
I pause. Gus is thrilled in that stoic way of his, I can tell, and sometimes I wish he would give in and tell me how much he wants me without feeling fearful or ashamed.
Baby steps.
