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Brax closes the door on his way out, and I immediately go to my dresser and start pulling out clothes.
“Hey,” Theo says, but I don’t answer. Don’t know how to answer. My throat feels like it has a rock in it, my chest like the weight of the whole world is sitting on it. “Baby…” Theo says, his arms wrapping around me from behind. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Feeling him lessens the weight, nudges the boulder from my throat and makes it easier to speak. “What if he’s not okay? I’d just decided I want to have a relationship with him, that I want to try and see if we can fix things between us. I was going to tell you last night but didn’t get the chance. I want…I want a dad. I want my dad, and now it might be too late.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I don’t even try to hold them back. I don’t have it in me not to be real with Theo, not to let him see all the parts of me, even the ones I keep locked away from everyone else.
“It’s okay, Perry. He’ll be okay. And I’m so fucking proud of you for making that decision. You deserve to have everything you want. I’m so sorry this happened.”
I turn in his arms, hug him, and he runs his fingers up and down my back, through my hair. I listen to his comforting words, let them fill me up, let them give me hope. I can do this with Theo by my side. I need to do it.
“Will you go with me? I can’t…”
“Yes, baby. There’s nowhere I wouldn’t go with you.” Like I’ve done with him more than once, Theo holds my face in his hands so I have to look at him. “Nowhere.”
There’s so much more than just that word in what he’s saying. I feel it, know it deep in my bones. Is now the time you tell your boyfriend for the first time that you love him? I feel guilty even thinking it when my dad is in the hospital and I don’t know if he’ll be okay. This moment isn’t about me. It’s about my dad. “There’s nowhere I wouldn’t go with you either.”
We grab clothes and head to the bathroom, washing up quickly. Brax and Ty are already gone, so we go to Theo’s car. I don’t trust myself to drive right now.
My leg bounces the whole drive. I don’t speak, don’t have it in me, fear and worry creating a tsunami inside me.
As soon as we get there, we rush into the ER. I go to the nurse at the counter, heart in my throat, vision swimming. “My…” I can’t even finish the sentence. I’ve never said my dad this or my dad that about anything in my life.
I grab ahold of Theo’s hand, squeezing it tightly.
He reads the words I can’t say in how I hold him. “His dad, Montgomery Langley, is here. He was brought in an ambulance with chest pains.”
“Oh yes. Your brother and his partner are in there. We’re technically only supposed to let two people back, but once your father realized you were coming, well, let’s just say he wasn’t taking no for an answer.”
My heart skips a beat, maybe a few of them. “He wants to see me?”
Her forehead wrinkles, like she’s confused by the question. “Of course he does, sweetie. Come on. Let’s get you two back there.”
I nod as Theo’s other hand moves to my bicep, giving a gentle squeeze of support. She leads us through the ER and to one of the rooms, and slides the door open.
“Your son is here.”
“Let him in. Please,” I hear in a deep voice I recognize.
She offers me another smile and steps aside. He’s got an IV in, is on oxygen and hooked up to an EKG. Every photo I’ve seen of him, he always looks so put together, so strong, but in this bed, he looks small…sad.
Ty steps aside so I can get closer, then pats my shoulder, leaving his hand there in case I need him. He’s an awesome fucking brother, and I’m so damn lucky to have him.
“Thank you for coming. I’m…I’m so glad to see you,” Montgomery says. Dad says? I don’t even know how to think of him. It’s already getting all mixed up in my head.
I don’t know what I’m going to say until the words fall out of my mouth. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yes. I am. I promise. I have both of my boys in the same room with me for the first time in my life, and I guarantee you, I’m going to stick around to make sure that happens as often as you’ll allow.”
I nod, words a traffic jam in my throat. I never believed anything this man said to me, but this time…this time I do, and I want to see what’s going to happen on the other side of it.
“You must be Perry’s boyfriend, Theo,” Dad says. “Ty told me all about you. It’s nice to meet you. Thank you so much for coming with Perry and supporting him.”
My breathing comes out easier and easier. I’d imagined him not being able to speak, not being awake, but other than all the tubes, machines, and how tired he looks, he seems okay.
“It’s nice to meet you too, sir, and…I’ll always support him,” Theo says strongly.
He will. I know that as much as I know I’ll be taking my next breath.
