Page 11 of Sick Little Devotion

I don’t want to dream of him tonight, but I still find my breath catching as I imagine his hands wrapping around my body, tugging me to him. I want him so much it hurts.

Maybe I’ll let myself think of him. Just tonight.

Swallowing hard, my eyes still shut, I imagine his hands sliding down my stomach.

“Aiden,” I whisper into the dark bedroom.

“Sara,” he whispers back. I choke back my cry. It feels so fucking real tonight. It must be a lucid dream, but I don’t want to wake up. I let it play out.

“Touch me, Aiden,” I beg the figure in my mind, although I think the words might have slipped from my lips. Reality and my dreamworld are mixing, but that’s okay. No one can hear me at the end of the hallway.

“Fuck, Sara,” he groans in a near-whisper in my ear. A sensation runs along my stomach, and I’m certain it’s my own hand. But I don’t want to think that. I imagine his hand, dropping below my stomach.

“Like that,” I moan as it reaches my clit. “Just like that.” I rock against the touch, moisture pooling between my legs. I don’t know why I’m so fucking turned on by a dream, but it’s happened before, and I’m desperate for release.

“Put them inside of me,” I breathe out and arch my back as the pressure of his penetration presses into me. “Oh my God. Oh my God.” I’m already so close, and I imagine those troubled dark eyes burning under the moonlight. Yet, I know that if I open my eyes, they won’t be there.

I know that.

So I keep my eyes pressed tightly together. I don’t want to lose this feeling.

“I waited on you,” I cry out as the touch increases my arousal. I’m so close to coming, to crying, to losing my sanity.

“That’s it,” I hear him growl. “I’m here now, Sara. You can come. You can come for me.” His voice feels so fucking real. I feel a tear slip down my cheek, and I don’t even know how to feel about it, but I let it happen. I don’t stop this fantasy. I need it.

The walls of my pussy bear down around his fingers, and I ride the wave of pleasure that beckons me to dive off the cliff into an orgasm. But I don’t want to come yet. I know that the moment I come, the fantasy will be over. I’ll open my eyes, and it’ll be nothing but darkness.

“Slow down,” I beg in a ragged voice. “Please. I’m not ready to let you go.”

More tears stream down my face. Aiden doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t say anything at all. My heart starts to break all over again. I can’t even imagine what he’d say if he were here in this moment. He’d probably tell me that it’s been almost a decade, and I should let him go.

“But I can’t.” I burst into tears, and my hand flies up to my face to wipe them away. It’s time to let the fantasy die, but before I can, the fingers start to move again.

Why am I doing this to myself?

But even with my tears, my orgasm tears through me like a tsunami. I can’t breathe as it crashes through me, my light moan growing. I ride it out, rocking my hips at the amount of pleasure, something I wasn’t expecting.

I’ve never gone like this.

My fantasies of Aiden have never felt so fucking real. I gulp for air as I finally come down, and then I force myself to wake up from the lucid stupor I was in.

“I can do this,” I tell myself, my heart breaking as I pull my hand from my pants. “He’s not here. He’s not here.” I’ve told myself that so many times when something like this happens. I force my eyes open…

The room is pitch black. Just like always. I turn my head…

Nothing.

Nothing but blackness around me. No one is here tonight. I don’t know why they ever would be. It’s been years since he’s been here, and if he wanted to come back, he would’ve by now.

I sit up in my bed and take a deep breath, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I don’t know why I miss someone who chose to leave me. I checked the hospitals. I checked the jails. I checked everywhere for him. He was gone.

He wanted to disappear from my life.

Maybe he’s got a family somewhere. A wife, kids, and a good job. He deserved it, and I couldn’t blame him for running from me. I would’ve, too. I plop back into my bed and close my eyes. This time, I fall right asleep.

And there are no more dreams.

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