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“How was your session this morning?” Gabriel asked as he brought over our lunch.
“Sucked as usual,” I said as I took a sip of the iced tea Gabriel poured for me. Truthfully therapy sucked. I hated every moment of it. It was an unnecessary addition to my day. A waste of time. Today was my fifth session and I felt nothing. The questions were stupid and pointless. I tried in the beginning. Tried to maybe make this whole therapy thing work, but no matter what I said to the guy it just seemed to go in one ear and out the other.
“What did you guys talk about today?”
“ Besides the usual lecture of how my actions are going to kill me?”
“Catalina-”
I stood up and laid my hands flat on the table,
“No Gabriel he doesn’t listen to a word I say all he does is condescend to me as if I am a child.”
Gabriel smirked at me,
“Well, when you act like one-”
“Don’t even start with me.”
“Do you want me to lie and say from what you’ve told me you’ve been a perfect patient?” Gabriel stood and made his way to me as if approaching a wild animal.
“You refuse to open up to me, to your therapist, to anyone. For once just open up to someone.”
I didn’t want to open up. Opening up meant someone seeing every part of me and I didn’t want anyone to see everything but for Gabriel, I could try. I knew what I was doing was hurting him but I was just living my life. It was a phase that I would eventually pass.
“I guess I could give it one more shot.”
Gabriel smirked as he sat beside me,
“Thank you, now hurry up and eat or you’ll be late.”
I could do this. For Gabriel, I could give this one last shot.
* * *
“Tell me about your parents.” Dr. Wilson asked. I agreed to talk a little more about my feelings but this guy is walking a very thin, fragile line. I didn’t like talking about my parents, especially with someone closer to their age. I knew what he saw when he looked at me, he saw a small girl covered in tattoos who yelled and screamed and had a disregard for authority. If I told him everything about my childhood he would probably agree with the punishments my parents dished out to me. He would probably agree that I deserved it.
“What do you want to know?” I said as I leaned back in the chair and kept my gaze glued to the window. Taking in the late summer scenery. The leaves had just begun to change and it was starting to get a little colder in the mornings. Which could only mean one thing. Fall was coming and It was my favorite season and here I was stuck in this old dusty office with this even older and dustier man.
“What were they like?”
Were. He’s speaking as if they are dead.
“Fine, I guess.”
Lies. My parents were anything but fine. I would never understand how two people like them ever came to be or what they saw in each other. My parents never should have been together in the first place. Their dynamic never made sense, my mother got whatever she wanted because my dad could never tell her no. She was spoiled and my father enabled it. Even after she had children she mainly cared about herself.
“Just fine?” he asked as he scribbled down what I said into his little journal.
“Yea. Fine.” he nodded his balding head and scribbled down in his journal some more.
“You know we aren’t going to cover much if you give vague responses.” He closed his journal and moved to stand behind me, glancing out of the window.
“What do you see when you look outside Catalina?” He asked.
Freedom.
I saw a world where I could run and have adventures. I saw a world I hadn’t been allowed to explore. I saw the key to unshackling the chains that tied me to this stupid town.
