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I give Gershwyn a desperate look, but he just shrugs so I focus on Nola again. “Can we at least lose the reading glasses? I feel ridiculous.”
Nola shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter how you feel. It’s how you look. And you look hot in a very distinguished way.”
“But this whole thing is a lie,” I say, gesturing up and down at myself. “I have perfect vision.”
“But someday, you won’t.”
“And when that day comes, I’ll start wearing readers.”
She blows out a heavy sigh and rolls her eyes. “Look, I don’t need this. I’m the best. I’ve come all the way up to…” She looks at Gershwyn. “Where the hell are we?”
“Silicon Valley.”
“Right, Silicon Valley, to help you reinvent yourself. Do you have any idea what my time—and all these clothes—are costing you?”
“I don’t think I want to know,” I answer.
Gersh shakes his head. “You definitely don’t want to know.”
I wince at him. “That bad?”
He nods, closing his eyes and mouthing, “So bad.”
“Shit,” I mutter, looking at myself again.
“Hudson, listen, I know this is hard for you,” Nola says. “But I also know what I’m doing. I’ve been through this with all the greats—Leo, Brad, George, Matt, Ben, Bradley. And they’ve all gone on to have lucrative and long careers.”
“You’re telling me they all wore fake glasses and elbow patches?”
“No, for each of them, I had to come up with something unique to their circumstances. In your case, with the role you’ve got coming up, we’ve got to start convincing people you’re … what’s the name of your character again?”
“Dr. David Todd,” Gershwyn says.
“Right. We’re going to prime the audience to believe you’re this Todd guy.” Nola sprays some mousse in her palm, then smooshes it into her other hand and starts to work it through my hair. “We show the world a different side of you. It’s a whole dark academia aesthetic thing. It’s massive on TikTok and we’re going to play into that. Trust me, by the time this film comes out, the world will have totally forgotten they ever heard of Beach Cops.” She stands back and smiles at her handiwork. “And, done. Absentminded professor achieved.”
Nola goes into the en suite to wash her hands, leaving Gersh, Oscar, and I alone in the bedroom. I walk over to the bed and pick up Oscar. “I’m going to miss you, buddy. Yes, I am.” I nuzzle his little head with my nose. “Yes, I am.”
Glancing at Gershwyn, I say, “You’ll make sure you walk him twice a day, right?”
“He’ll be fine. You’ve left him with me before and he’s survived.”
“Yeah, but he always looks too skinny when I get back. I don’t think he eats enough,” I say, scratching Oscar’s neck. “And make sure you slice up the baby carrot before you put it in his breakfast. Don’t put it in whole because he could choke on it.”
Rolling his eyes, Gershwyn says, “Hudson, seriously. He’s a dog. I’m a responsible adult. I’ve got this. In fact, I’ll take him for a nice walk before we drive back home.”
Nola comes out of the bathroom and picks up her oversized handbag off the dresser. “All right, in the closet you’ll find the outfits for the photo ops Brittany set up. She’ll text you on the mornings when there’s something happening that you have to be dressed for. Each outfit is carefully labeled. Do not try to mix and match. Don’t deviate from the plan in any way or you’ll ruin everything.”
But no pressure.
Gershwyn glances at his phone. “Looks like the Entertainment Nightly film crew is already at the research facility. They’re going to follow you around for a tour of the place, which will air tonight. Oh, and make sure you park right in front of the building so they can get a shot of you with the Range Rover. We still owe them one more photo op after this.”
“Gotcha. Right in front.”
“Paul said to tell you TMZ will be here twice. You’ll go to the library once, and to the San Francisco opera. It’s in your calendar already. The team can set up a date for you for the opera if you don’t have someone in mind, and if you do, they want you to tell them who so they can vet her first. They want someone with the right image.”
“The tux is in the closet,” Nola adds. “It’s labeled opera night.” She pronounces the words very slowly and clearly, as if this is my first day speaking English.
“Okay, got it,” I tell her.
