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Yes, it was boredom. In our case, the thrill of uncertainty.
I think.
Whatever it was, it’s over. It ended the moment Thiago and Rohan showed up. We both knew it too. As soon as I opened my eyes and saw her scrambling to get her clothes on, whatever spell we were under was broken. It was a very long, very awkward boat ride all the way to a luxury eco-resort in the heart of the jungle (which has no damn phones and no internet reception, by the way). By the time we arrived, it was almost nightfall, which meant Thiago blew an entire day of the trip rescuing us. The only good thing about it was catching Gwen staring at me from time to time and smiling at each other—the look of two kids who got caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar.
We just sat there while Thiago lectured us about being not just the problem, but the ‘biggest problem he’s ever had on any trip.’ Apparently he’s thinking of going to work for his brother-in-law who owns a fish canning company, just so he won’t have to deal with tourists anymore. Yikes. I don’t blame him for being mad though. He was up half the night arranging for a boat to come pick them up at their camping spot at first light. The entire time, he had no idea if we were alive or dead, and if we were dead, if they’d ever recover our bodies. So imagine his irritation when he discovered we were fine and had just been happily shagging all night—because they totally know that’s what we were doing. There’s no denying it. I can only hope neither of them tells anyone. I don’t care for my own sake, but in these types of situations, it seems like the woman winds up taking any criticism, which is the last thing Gwen needs.
I shut off the water and hurry to dry off and get dressed. We’re late for whatever Richard had planned for this evening. I’m not looking forward to it, other than that I’ll be able to see Gwen. My heart picks up its pace a little as I rush out of my room and hurry along the plank sidewalk to the open-air studio where the ceremony is to take place.
I search for her as soon as I walk into the large room, but she’s not here yet. The space is lit by candles and there are mats and pillows in a circle on the floor. The rest of the group has already taken their places on the mats and have left two spots next to each other for Gwen and me.
I hurry to sit down, under the watchful glare of Thiago. He’s standing next to the oldest man I’ve ever seen, who’s dressed in jeans, a Hawaiian shirt, and flip-flops. In the center of the circle sits Richard’s urn, reminding me once again of what we’re doing out here. My gut aches a little as I stare at it. When it finally sinks in that he’s really gone, I’m going to have a hard time getting over it. I’m alone in the world. I have Michael of course, but I no longer have a partner.
Speaking of partners, I’m about to suggest that I go look for Gwen when she appears, dressed in a flowy skirt and a tank top, her wavy hair down. God, she’s beautiful. I should stop staring because that’ll only make the group suspicious about what happened last night.
“Okay, now that the straggler has arrived, we can get started,” Thiago says.
I watch as she rushes to the mat next to mine and sits down, offering me a shy smile that does something to me. I give her a head nod, hoping that everyone else will think we’re just two buddies who definitely didn’t have sex five times last night.
Thiago clears his throat. “First we will watch the video from Dr. Napper, then we will get started.”
He turns on his iPad and once again, Richard’s smiling face appears. “Well done everyone for taking on the survival challenge. I hope at least something went wrong that forced you to test your limits and find out what you’re made of.”
Gwen and I glance at each other. She shrugs and whispers, “No, nothing.”
I snort laugh quietly, then get back to watching the video.
“Tonight, you will expand your consciousness with the help of my dear friend, Don RomuloLuna. I assume he will outlive me due to his lifestyle, but if not, his son, Don Romulo Luna Jr., must be here. Both are highly respected curanderos, or healers. Tonight, he will take you on a journey of the mind, so you can dream your deepest dreams, open up a world of possibilities you never imagined, and wake up tomorrow refreshed, renewed, and truly alive in a way I was, in a way few people really are.”
“Oh God, I bet it’s an ayahuasca ceremony,” Gwen whispers to me.
“Don’t worry about it. Ayahuasca only affects people with weak minds. You’ll be fine.” And so will I because there is no way I’m going to wind up speaking in tongues or rolling around on the floor. I glance at the man in the flip-flops, guessing that he’s the senior version of Don Romulo Luna, based on the fact that I’m pretty sure you could store your iPhone in his wrinkles.
On the screen, Richard is talking about how this world should be a place for dreamers. “But the world has grown skeptical, fearful, afraid of what we don’t know. We live our comfortable lives in our comfortable bubbles, terrified of stepping outside them to see what else is out there. Instead, we stare at our screens, scrolling mindlessly, not really living, but not dead either. Tonight, you will find the dreamer in you. And please don’t just do this for yourself. Do it for humanity because if there’s anything the world needs, it’s more dreamers. Ty, I’m right about this, and I hope this journey will show you why. The entire reason I backed the types of projects that other people reject is because they do what so few people on this planet do—they hope. They believe. They have faith in what can’t be seen. That is how we get better as a species. That is how change and growth happen—through the fearless pursuit of the unknown. I love the fact that you’re all out there inspiring others to explore and embrace the mysteries of our planet, the universe, and ourselves. It thrills me to know that you—the dreamers of the world—have each other, even if you never find what you’re looking for. You’re doing important work together. You’re giving others hope. And who knows? Maybe you’re right.
“Now, Don Romulo is going to pass around the special herbal tea that will help take you to a place of pure honesty, where the deepest desires of your heart will be unearthed for you. Please drink up and let yourselves go on a journey to the farthest reaches of your own mind. And Ty, you have to do it. It’s my last wish.”
How many frigging last wishes did he have?
The video stops and Thiago points to the man. “It is a great honor to be here tonight with Don Romulo Luna. He is one of the leading healers in all of Peru. Politicians and celebrities come to him for help. He doesn’t speak English, but you will understand what he is saying, believe me. He is going to pass around the special tea and then we will begin.”
I hold up one hand, then say, “I don’t want to be a problem, Thiago, but I’m not going to drink something unless I know what it is.”
Thiago rolls his eyes. “Don’t want to be a problem,” he mutters. “Of course you do. It’s herbs, okay? It’s not going to make you sick or paralyze you.”
“Well, that’s comforting,” I say, watching as Don Romulo walks around with a tray of small cups.
When he reaches me, I take a cup then watch as Gwen does the same, my gut tightening at the thought of her taking something that might make her sick. I give it a whiff, then whisper, “Does this smell like ayahuasca?”
“I have no idea,” she says. “Does ayahuasca smell boozy?”
I shake my head and stare into the cup at the amber liquid. “I’m not sure I want to expand my consciousness. Do you?”
“I don’t know. On the one hand, it could be really amazing. But on the other…”
I glance up, only to see Don Romulo watching us. He smiles and offers me an encouraging nod, then says something in Spanish.
“Do you speak Spanish?” I murmur to Gwen.
