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Tears threatened and I swallowed them back. I would not cry in front of him. I’d done enough crying the first few weeks I lived here. “Do you understand how confusing this is for me? A few hours ago I would have agreed that I fell for you too, but now I find out that I never even knew you.”
He dropped my gaze, his hands reaching for his back pockets and staying there. “I do, and I’m sorry for that. Sorry I didn’t trust you earlier. But you see, trust doesn’t come easily for me. I lost my mom when I was just a little kid, making Dad my one and only. He came on tour with me most times, living up to his claim of being my biggest fan. But life on the road was wearing on me. Six albums and too many tour stops to count. I knew something had to change, but I just kept right on doing what everyone else wanted me to do.”
He licked his lips and I had to lean in to catch his next words. “There was one night out in San Francisco. I’d just gotten done with a show and I was greeting fans backstage when my whole world collapsed. My assistant came running over to whisper in my ear that Dad had been in a car accident leaving the venue. I got up, ready to sprint out of there and get to his side when my manager ordered me to stay and greet the fans who’d paid for backstage passes.”
He released a full-body sigh that held a heavy defeat. “I didn’t know if my father was dead or dismembered and that fucker wanted me to keep smiling and posing for pictures.”
His head shot back up and there was a fire in his eyes I had to admire. “I told him to fuck off and I left. My dad was, in fact, dismembered. He lost his leg in the accident and spent months in rehab. The guy who hit him? Drunk. Coming from my concert.”
My hand flew to his chest before I could second-guess touching him. “Dec.” I felt his pain, a living, breathing thing there on the porch with us. That had to have been the night I was waiting backstage to meet him. Why he’d left before we got to meet him and security had us leave abruptly.
He laid his hand over mine and squeezed. “I gave up music after that. I couldn’t keep going with something that had nearly taken the one good thing in my life. Couldn’t keep putting on a fake smile when I hated every second of performing. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’ve been hiding from that failure ever since.”
My heart ached even worse now. I stepped over the threshold, needing to be closer to him. Needing to comfort him, even if it made my broken heart worse. “Dec, that’s not a failure. You were being asked to do something that didn’t align with who you were. You did the very best thing for you and your dad.”
I held up the charm I still held in my other hand. “Here. Take this. I always wanted you to have it anyway.”
Dec shook his head, looking miserable. “I can’t, sunshine. I want you to have the good luck from now on.” And then he let go of my hand and stepped back. “I should give you some time, but please know my door is always open. I want to talk once you’re ready.”
I watched him walk between our properties, over the hedge, and up onto his porch, where he lifted a hand before going inside his house. I fell back against the doorway again, charm clutched to my chest. Dec was right; I wasn’t sure I could handle anything else today. After a few long minutes of deep breathing, I headed back inside.
Mom came home just minutes later, talking a mile a minute about the car accident she and Daniel had gotten into today. I waited until she’d poured a glass of wine and taken a long swig before peppering her with questions.
“Are you okay?”
She waved a hand in the air. “Just fine. It was a fender-bender, but Daniel had a little bump on his forehead, so the paramedics were called. He’s fine too, by the way,” she added when I nearly came unglued.
She told me the rest, including that Dec had been there and he and his father had had words. “You should go check on your man. The poor guy was distraught.”
Mom patted me on the head and left the kitchen, singing some bawdy tune under her breath as she headed upstairs with her glass of wine. I sagged against the new granite countertop. Dec must have absolutely lost his shit hearing his father was in another accident. Now that I knew his story, I could see why everything that happened today had been just as unsettling to him as it was to me. Maybe even more so. And yet he’d come over here to give me back my good luck charm, wanting to tell me his whole truth.
My forehead dropped to my clasped hands. I closed my eyes, wondering what to do. I loved Dec, even though he’d withheld information from me. I could understand why he did. And while he should have told me sooner, was I willing to throw away our entire relationship over it? Hell, I’d arrived in Sunshine Key with my own baggage.
Maybe the very best thing I could do for Dec was to officially close the door on my own past. If Dec truly loved me, he’d do the same. Only then could we have a future together.
My eyes flew open and I straightened, inspiration striking like a late-afternoon lightning shower.
“Mom!” I called up the stairs. “I’m going to California!”
But first, I grabbed a potted peace lily of Maeve’s and snuck over to Dec’s, leaving it and the charm on his doorstep.
The key still fit in the lock, a miracle considering Justin and I hadn’t spoken since I left to deal with Aunt Maeve’s will. Then again, he was probably too busy with his new girlfriend to bother with things like locks and pesky wives. The place felt odd, like a fever dream of familiarity yet details were twisted and foreign. The mail was strewn across the bartop leading into the kitchen, a mess I never would have left. My umbrella lay on the top of the fridge, an odd place to put it, but yet, it was still my trusty umbrella.
First things first, I hauled two suitcases out of the guest bedroom closet and began dumping all my clothing into them. However, I left the business clothes hung neatly in the closet. I wouldn’t be needing those in Florida. Justin could donate or burn them, I didn’t care. Considering he’d been the one to break this marriage into a million pieces, he could deal with the cleanup.
It was gloomy outside, typical for fall in San Francisco, so I put on a playlist from my phone to brighten the mood. Books I’d earmarked went into the boxes I’d stopped to purchase at the hardware store on my way in from the airport. I’d had a feeling the boxes Justin shipped out to me earlier in the summer were only a fraction of my things, and today proved me right. Photo albums, kitchen utensils, nicknacks, and my favorite throw blankets. Everything that was mine and I cared about went into the boxes. Jewelry and makeup, nail polish and shoes. All of it got boxed up.
The Kindle Justin had gotten me for Christmas? That fucker was staying.
I was sweating by the time I was done, my hair on top of my head in one of those messy pineapple buns that Dec always said looked cute on me. I surveyed the six boxes and two suitcases, then glanced around the condo that had once felt like home.
“Goodbye, San Francisco. Goodbye, old life.”
It felt good to say it out loud. To know that Sunshine Key was my home. Dec or no Dec, I’d make a life there that was my own. It might make things awkward the first few months if Dec and I didn’t work things out, but my aunt had known me better than I knew myself. She’d known I’d find myself amongst the summer storms and alligators. I craved the humidity that made my hair turn into springing curls. I needed the warm water at night and the salt on my skin. I wanted to laugh with Char and Laurie, embracing the free spirit in me that reminded me of my mom. I looked forward to managing the Captain’s Boat Club, a businesswoman like my aunt. I could be all those things and more. Whatever I chose to be, it was simply up to me and me alone.
I sucked in a deep breath and let it loose, a peaceful smile easily formed in the same room where panic had gripped me so hard just five months before. Funny how you can feel like you’re falling apart when really all your pieces are finally coming together the way they’re supposed to be.
That was the scene my soon-to-be ex-husband walked into when the front door swung open.
