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I attempt to offer a reassuring smile. “We’ve laid the groundwork.”
“Yes.” She brushes her hands over the skirt of her riding dress and glances back at her guards. “We haven’t yet determined the best approach for a few of the godlen’s domains, have we? I’d appreciate you giving that matter as much thought as you can—what you think would prove my strengths as a ruler. We also need to solidify our strategies for preventing the Order from doing any harm during the tests—how you’ll all factor in. I’ll return this afternoon with Tinom so you can fill each of us in on the parts we’re meant to hear.”
My gut lurches. She still wants me contributing to the trials somehow—even helping orchestrate them on the actual day?
The words tumble out before I can think better of them. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Petra shoots me a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”
I motion helplessly with my hands, the weight of all my failures pressing on my lungs. “Should I be involved in the trials—or anything else you’re doing—in any direct way at this point? Just the fact that people know you’ve had a riven sorcerer on your side, that I’ve supported you, is hurting your cause.”
My voice falters, but I force myself onward to the inevitable conclusion. “You should probably remove yourself completely from any hint of an alliance with me. Forsake any past connections.”
My chest clenches even tighter with those statements, as true as they are. If Petra sets herself apart from the riven—if she claims she didn’t realize what I am and that she’s now set herself apart from me—maybe there won’t be too much fallout in the public’s opinion of her.
But if she does that, it’ll be even harder for her to turn around and speak up on the behalf of riven sorcerers later. I don’t know how long it’d be before she could broach the subject of our origins.
Possibly never.
The future queen considers me for long enough that my skin itches with uncertainty. “I never took you for someone who’d give up and abandon a cause that easily.”
The accusation stings. I can’t hold back my instinctive response. “I’m not giving up—I’m not abandoning you. I’m trying to help you.”
“By refusing to help me any further.”
“By—by refusing to harm you any further.”
My arms come up to hug myself. Casimir rests a gentle hand on my shoulder, and Rheave stirs behind me with a noise of concern, but I have to say this. The thoughts have been rattling around in my head since my mother first raised her voice to the crowd in Florian.
“I’ve tainted your legacy. I might have done more damage to the cause than good.” A raw chuckle escapes me. “That’s how it always seems to go.”
Trying to save someone only to cause a worse catastrophe isn’t exactly new to me.
Alek’s lips part where he’s standing by the doorway behind Petra, but she speaks before he can. “I should be the judge of that. I still want you standing with me. Most of what Lothar is spreading is lies.”
“Lies the people believe. You didn’t see them last night while my mother told them what a monster I am.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to make a public exhibition of yourself.”
“I don’t need to appear before them to be a problem.” I spread my hands. “I’ve just divided your allies, simply by existing. I’ve created discord right when we need to be as united as possible.”
Petra grimaces. “You didn’t cause that—Lothar did.”
“And he only could because of what I am.”
“Ivy—”
Before she can go on, Sulla steps in with a gesture for attention.
Petra falls silent. We both stare at the older woman, me with my hands clenching where they’re tucked against my sides.
She’s going to tell Petra she agrees with me. Maybe even suggest that she whisk me all the way back to the Haven where I’ll be completely out of the?—
Instead, my former mentor faces me. Her voice comes out unexpectedly soft. “I might have only arrived a few days ago. I might not have witnessed most of what you’ve accomplished directly. But I’ve seen and heard enough to feel sure when I say that I was wrong, Ivy. You’ve set things right much more than you’ve created new troubles. I—I’m sorry if any of the doubts I expressed before are making you doubt yourself now.”
I gape at her for a second before I manage to reel my jaw in.
Petra jumps into my silence. “She should know, shouldn’t she? You have to listen to us.”
