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“What about the woman they claimed you cheated with? Both of them?”
“Roxie was ecstatic for the chance to get more attention. She’s been clawing for a toehold in this business for years and erase her child star image. Vivian’s just looking for any kind of attention she can get. She and I dated briefly a few years back, and she leaked those photos and pretended they were recent.”
“And you’re not denying any of it.” She tilts her head to the side, studying me. “You want an excuse to get out.”
She seems so certain, but she’s not making any sense. “Get out of what?”
She drums her fingers on her knee. “Want to know another one of my secrets?”
Always. I want to know her from the soul out. “Sure.”
Her eyes flare like she heard my unspoken words. “I had an opportunity to design dinnerware for one of the most famous ceramics corporations in the world. It was a dream of mine. Some artists want to see their artwork on the walls of the top galleries. I want my plates and mugs in every kitchen in America. I want little girls and boys playing with tiny replicas of my designs.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t take the job.”
She shakes her head. “You’d assume wrong. I took the job. I lived in Germany for two months. It was long hours, but it was work I loved and I was happy for six weeks.”
“What happened?”
She shrugs. “I realized I had the wrong dream. Or maybe I had the right dream, and I just didn’t want it badly enough to sacrifice the joy of a mountain view and the opportunity to grow as an artist. I could have become world famous there, but only if I adhered to certain guidelines. No one wants a Bigfoot mug at their dinner table, but I wanted to make Bigfoot mugs.” She pulls a carrot from a side pocket of her cargo pants and snaps off a bite. “I didn’t know I wanted to make Bigfoot mugs then. I just knew I wanted to color outside the lines sometimes.”
“You couldn’t do both?”
“Not if I wanted my name on both. Creativity is only acceptable in dinnerware when it doesn’t veer too much toward quirky and outlandish.”
“I’d buy your quirky, outlandish dinnerware.”
“You aren’t the only one, but I’ll never have my dinnerware in every home in the country. I’ll never achieve the fame I once thought I wanted. I didn’t have the hunger for it and you have to have the hunger for that kind of success in order to make the sacrifices it always requires. What sacrifices are you no longer willing to make?”
Her words speak to something deep under my breastbone I’ve been trying my hardest to ignore. “The truth is…” I dig deep to tell her the truth, a truth even I hadn’t realized. I owe her that. “I have no real idea what I’ve sacrificed. This life is all I’ve ever known and I’m not sure…” I shake my head, frustrated with myself and the too small interior of the car. “I have everything anyone could ever want, and maybe, if I feel like it’s not enough, the problem is me. I’m good at being a rock star, and any doubts I have about that are just a momentary lapse. Probably.”
She smiles slightly. “And that’s why you didn’t fight the lies your ex spread? Because of doubts? Is that why you hid away from the world, instead of wearing your scandal proudly?”
“Sure. Or maybe I just needed a vacation from it all.”
She nods, smirking. “The tough life of a pop star. Singing all those cotton candy melodies would wear down anyone.”
I snort. “Have you ever even heard one of my songs?”
She wrinkles her nose. “If I have, it was by accident. They play the worst music in the grocery store.”
I should be offended, but I’m too happy to see her smiling and teasing me. “My songs are not Muzak, thank you very much.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.” She shifts to face forward. “I’ll never listen to them.”
This would be the perfect opportunity for me to start the engine and head for home. I could change the subject, keep the conversation light, but I don’t want anything to fester between us. “I’m sorry I lied to you.” I reach out to touch her, to get her to look at me, but I’ve lost that right. I lower my hand. “It’s been a really, really long time since I’ve met anyone who didn’t recognize me immediately. I assumed you’d make the connection eventually and, when you didn’t, I just wanted to find out if I could be a regular guy, the kind of guy someone like you would actually want to spend time with.”
She glares at me. “I just can’t believe I didn’t see it. It’s so obvious in retrospect.”
“You’re right to be mad. I deserve for you to be mad at me, but I only lied about what I do for a living. I never lied to you about who I really am. I love to cook and spend time out in nature. I have no poker face and I’d rather play Go Fish, anyway. My toes get cold even on the hottest day—”
“You really should have that checked out.”
“And I love spending time with you. Be as mad as you want, but please don’t cut me out of your life.”
Her eyes go wide. “I would never do that. I still need your help finding a treasure.” Her smile is slow and possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Of course,” My smile turns into a wince as a cut on my lip stretches painfully.
