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Only keeping his eyes on the floor, he rushed to get back to his desk. So, I grabbed the front of his lab coat to hold him still. “Hey,” — my fingers went to his chin to make him look at me — “are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
His hand went to my hip as he nodded, falling into me as he stumbled forward. “Fine. I just have this raging migraine that’s got me all strung out.”
The clench in his jaw softened as I moved my fingers over it. “Would it help at all if I rubbed your head or something?”
Collapsing into my palm, he closed his hands around my back. “Just hold me for a while, please.”
Rocking him until the corner of the room behind the door stopped us, I wrapped my arms around his neck, digging my fingertips into his scalp. “Is that better?”
Humming into the space right behind my ear, he tangled his fingers up in the back of my shirt, relaxing into me completely and squishing me against the wall. “Can I come over tonight?”
My fingers moved in and out of the ripples I made in the back of his neck. “I thought I’d come to you instead.”
A gentle shake started against my head as he whispered to me. “You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to.”
Moving down his back, I brought my arms under his and pressed my palms hard into his muscles. “I wasn’t sure until a little bit ago what was bothering me so much about all this, but I have it figured out now.”
His breaths against me stopped as he waited for me to go on. “It’s not because you didn’t ask me first or because I don’t want to be with you.” Slowing my movements until we were only standing there holding each other, I folded my hands around his waist. “It’s because your mom and all her bitchy rich friends, and probably everyone else we know, is going to think I tricked you into doing this.”
His hand came to my chest, gliding his fingertip over the crease of my cleavage. “Who gives a shit what they think?”
My cheek puffed back at him. “I do, I guess. I was looking forward to showing everyone what I did on my own.”
That car and those ridiculous designer shoes I never cared about having before I decided to move back here kind of made me ashamed of myself now. Trying to look good for a bunch of people incapable of being impressed just made me feel like a jackass, honestly. “But the truth is, even if I had a front-page headline in the newspaper shouting to the world that I bought the biggest house in town in crisp new dollar bills, people like your mom would still see me as beneath them. That will never change, and I need to get over it.”
I brought my hands up his body until his face was in them so I could pull him away. “What does have to change is how you see me, Dom. How we see each other.” My nose brushed against his, making him shut his eyes, already trying not to hear what I wanted to say to him. “For a very long time, you were my hero. You will always be the savior of that girl you knew, and I will always be grateful for everything you did for me. But the days of me needing someone to save me all the time are over.”
A tear slid down from the corner of his eye, and I caught it with my thumb. “I only want for us to be equal partners from now on. We look out for each other. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Blinking his teary eyes at the ceiling, he held back his bottom lip and shook his head at me. “I didn’t mean to make you feel any type of way about it, Faith. But you know me, and when I have that checklist in front of me, I plow through it. We both needed a place to live, and I had to make it happen. It just felt right to me.”
I pushed my lips into his to kiss him, breaking them apart with a nod. “I do know that, and you know it always takes me a little longer to sort through my head stuff. Me hesitating is nothing new, and I wasn’t trying to hurt you, either.”
I felt a hundred pounds lighter. Yes, I understood why he needed to buy that house for us, and I hoped he’d understand why I needed to be part of that process, too. “I insist on putting my money in, Dom. I’ve been saving up a very long time to buy my dream house, and I’m going in on that loan with you. I won’t ever feel like it’s truly ours unless I’ve done my part.”
His hold on me jerked tighter for a second as he ducked down a little and wiggled his eyebrows at me. “That’s a lot of commitment that will tie us together for a long time. Are you sure you’re up for that?”
I struggled over just about every decision I ever made my entire life, but this was one I didn’t even have to think about. “A hundred percent.”
When I was too poor to pay for a new uniform, prom dress, or car, he made sure I was taken care of. He never failed at having my back when I needed him to, so I moved his hair back in place and straightened his clothes to pull him back together and return that favor for once. “I’m going to grab what I can when I get out of here and make you dinner. So, what do you feel like having?”
He made a quick swipe over his face with his lab coat sleeve to dry it and smiled back at me. “Um, I don’t know. Surprise me, I guess.”
Turning the knob behind me and gently guiding him backward with my chest, I kissed him one more time before sliding outside. “I’m going to go check out your patient now. See you when you get home.”
The back of the unit lit up again as he switched on his office light and swung the door open completely to let life in again. The brightness of our new understanding chased after me, pushing the heaviness in the air away with every step I took down the hall.
41
Dirty
Dominic
Not one soul I worked with was speaking to me by the time I slipped out of my office door for the evening, and I didn’t blame them a bit.
I always regretted what a jackass I acted like when I lost my cool like that, but backing down when I’d already veered off course wasn’t an option.
The man who’d saved my life and mentored me as I was coming up as a doctor was the most volatile prick I ever met. I guess you could say our bad habits complemented each other well.
