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He sounded miserable. She wanted him to feel some of the misery she had felt. That Jagger had felt.
Belinda closed her eyes and prayed for him, for his safety, for him to know how much she loved him. She should’ve been begging his forgiveness and kissing and loving him nonstop during the past week.
“Not really ready for sorry,” she admitted to her dad.
“I understand. I hope someday you’ll forgive me. Please don’t waste a second blaming your mama.”
Belinda had always loved how protective her dad was of her mom. She could only nod tightly.
“When Jagger showed up, I was so certain he’d only hurt you and make you cry. I couldn’t handle letting my girl marry the wrong man for her.” He held up a hand as she made a noise of protest. “In my mind at the time. I prayed for inspiration and set the parameters. Jagger promised me if I could prove you were happier with Mike and you loved Mike and I could beat him at a fist fight, he’d walk away and not contact you again.”
It was exactly as Jagger had said.
“We hid in the barn. You and Mike walked in laughing and teasing. I thought you sparkled, but I know now you were only trying with Mike to please us. Mike kissed you and you kissed him back. I thought that was my sign from above. And, of course, to a jealous eighteen-year-old, watching that kiss broke his heart. He was probably certain you’d been cheating on him all summer.”
Belinda’s stomach turned over, and she gripped her hands together. The tears wouldn’t stop. Her compassion and agony for Jagger overwhelmed her. He should’ve been horrible to her this week. Instead, he’d tried time and again to get through to her and love her. She’d decided to trust him too late. At the airport. She’d reached out for him like someone falling off a cliff and just barely missed him. The pain kept compounding.
Please let him come soon so I can show him all the love we’ve missed out on in the past fourteen years.
“After you two left, I told him something like he could see how you happy you were. I could see the fury in his eyes. He swung a good hook, but I had sparred with plenty of military guys. I knew what to expect and how to get in a quick shot to stun him. I used all of my strength and weight to knock his head into the barn floor and prayed it would knock him out. It didn’t, but at least it dazed him enough I was able to finish the fight.” His mouth twisted. “Even though I felt awful and conflicted inside, I believed everything falling into place meant heaven was helping me and approved of you and Mike together. I dragged Jagger to my truck, loaded him up, drove him to his truck, and managed to get him into the back. I left a note that said, ‘You promised.’”
Belinda stared at him, wide-eyed. “You forced Jagger to keep a promise not to contact me, and he was honorable enough to do it. Yet you lied to your only daughter for fourteen years. I’ve been miserable, longing for him, married to the wrong man, and so lonely. I can’t believe you could do that to me.”
She was surprised she wasn’t yelling at him. She was hurt and exhausted and just wanted Jagger to walk through that door. She’d go wherever he wanted her to. She’d elope with him and someday they’d forgive her parents. But not right now.
“I can’t believe it either,” her dad admitted. “Watching you cry, knowing you ached for him. It was horrible, but I convinced myself he was worse for you and would only hurt you, that once you got through this hard trial you’d be stronger and happier.” He met her gaze. “I was wrong, Belle. So wrong. I know you won’t forgive me quickly, and maybe you never will. That’s all right. You don’t have to. Please know that I love you and I’m terribly sorry. I’ll pray for you and Jagger and your happiness. I’ll never stop praying for you and loving you, even if you can’t stand to be around me any longer.”
Belinda couldn’t respond to that. She sat there, stunned. Her dad knew how badly she’d hurt and he’d hurt, too. He loved her and wouldn’t blame her if she couldn’t forgive him. Let alone Jagger forgiving him. She wouldn’t blame Jagger if he never could.
She studied this man she’d loved all her life. Her gaze went to her mom, silently crying and begging her not to shut them out of her life.
“It is going to take time to forgive you,” she admitted.
A verse in Ephesians came to her. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
She drew a deep breath. Her parents waited, as if sensing her turmoil. It wasn’t just about her pain. It was Jagger’s pain and loneliness and heartache that made her want to hurt her father like he’d hurt the man she loved.
Please help me forgive him.
Belinda swallowed and said softly, “I think we’ve all suffered long enough.” She drew in a deep breath, and her next words weren’t her own, drawn trusting and turning to the Savior all her life. “We can’t change the past. I want to forgive you.”
Her dad’s eyes widened, and then he crumpled and a heart-wrenching sob worked its way out of his throat. Belinda and her mom both startled. She’d never seen her dad cry. It was horrifying.
He pushed off the couch and kneeled in front of her. “Belle, I’m so sorry. That you would try to forgive me and try to end the suffering ... You’re incredible. I’m the pastor and you’re the one who knows the Savior’s true grace.”
She bit her lip and studied him. “Don’t go getting ahead of yourself. I’m still angry and a long way from forgetting and forgiving.”
He nodded.
“But the Savior will help me, help us all to heal. I love you,” she said to her dad. She looked at her mom. “And I love you.”
“We love you.” Her mom cried more earnestly.
“You two have always been there for me. I know I’ll be able to forgive you, but do you think Jag ever will? I choose Jagger, but I don’t want our family ripped apart. We have to figure out how to make things right with Jagger, because he is my future.”
Her dad said, “I love you, Belle and I want to know and love Jagger like you do. Can we pray for him?”
“Yes.” That felt right. “But first I need another hug.”
