AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She frowns. “Why would it?”
I have to choke down my own feelings about Ian to ask the hard question. “His personality quirks can be hard to overlook. Even given how rich as he is. That kind of thing bothers some people.”
“Well, some people are idiots, aren’t they?” She rolls her eyes. “He makes her insanely happy. He spoils her in a way no one ever has.”
Her clear impatience with my description of Ian eases some of my anxiety. “He’s not exactly what everyone would want for their sister.”
She nods in mock seriousness, but I can see the sparkling in her eye. “Oh no, you’re right. Rich and handsome is definitely at the bottom of the list of everyone’s dream guy requirements.”
Okay, she has me there. “You know what I’m saying. People on the spectrum have a reputation for being difficult. Persnickety. Emotionally distant. My point is, Ian isn’t some suave, perfect romance novel hero.”
She twists in her seat to give me a hard look, her tone is accusatory when she asks, “Is that what you think of him?”
“Hey, he’s my best friend. And whether it’s my job or not, I look out for him. I take care of him. Not everyone is welcoming to people who are different from them. There were people in college who made fun of him. Now that he’s rich, there are people who try to take advantage of that. Do you blame me for wanting to be sure that your sister is as all in as he is?”
This time she seems to consider my point a little more seriously. “First off, a lot of the things you mentioned are stereotypes. Cultural misunderstandings. Or true for some people on the spectrum and not for others. Besides, I’m not at all worried about Ian being emotionally distant with Savannah. Have you seen them together?” Her eyes lose focus as she gets lost in thought. “She’s his person. And he’s hers. That’s what matters.”
Her gaze jerks back to mine and, just like that, I can feel myself getting lost in her eyes. In the intimacy of the moment. Hearing her talk about the kind of love she wants for her sister, I’m struck all over again by how drawn I am to this woman. I could sit and listen to her talk for hours, getting lost in the way her mind works. The way she cares for others. The way she looks beneath surface.
It’s a three-hour flight to Belize, but I find myself wishing that would last longer. Days. Maybe my whole life. Because I could spend forever just listening to her talk.
Okay, not just listening to her talk. If conversation was all she ever offered me the rest of my life, I would find a way to be at peace with that, but I’m not a saint. It’s not all I want from her. Not by a long shot. I want to touch her again. To fall asleep with her in my arms. I want to taste her again and to fuck her. To make love to her.
Even more than that, I want to choose her. I want to put her first. Something I’ve never wanted before.
It’s something I’ve never allowed myself to want. But what she just said, about how Savannah is Ian’s person …
I’ve spent my entire adult life taking care of Ian. Yes, we’re best friends now. But it wasn’t friendship when we first met. In a school as big as UT, I knew he needed someone to look out for him. I was his roommate so it made sense to me to do it.
Don’t get me wrong, Ian would’ve been fine without me. Isolated. Alone, but fine.
Still, I took it upon myself to watch out for Ian. Take care of him. Make sure he had some small semblance of a social life and ate meals on a semi-regular basis.
What started as an obligation for me, turned into genuine fondness. I love the guy like a brother. I’d take a bullet for him, and all that nonsense. Then, he made me rich beyond my wildest dreams, and friendship and obligation once again muddied together. Our lives have been intertwined my entire adult life.
And now, in the plot twist, no one saw coming, Ian is getting married. He found, to use Trinity‘s phrase, his person. The rope that has been our lives is unraveling, forcing me to face the fact that he doesn’t need me anymore.
For the first time, I wonder if he ever needed me. Maybe I needed someone to watch out for. My dad died of an overdose not long before I went off to college. After a lifetime of feeling like I had to “be the man in the family” to make up for my dad’s failings, and also having to take care of him when he couldn’t take care of himself, maybe I was just … lost. More lost than Ian ever was.
Whether he needed me to watch out for him or not, it’s what I’ve been doing since we met.
What will my life look like now that Ian doesn’t need me? Or rather, now that I don’t feel like he needs me? These are questions I hadn’t asked myself before.
But sitting here next to Trinity, I can imagine the future I would pick for myself.
Almost as if she can sense the shift within me, Trinity turns to look at me and says, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For being so suspicious earlier. And, for being kind of a bitch at the engagement party.”
“You don’t have to apologize for that. You weren’t.”
Everything she’s done has been justifiable. Every time she accused me of being cold and withholding, she was absolutely right. I have been holding back.
“And, since I’m already apologizing: I’m sorry for basically being a hot mess every time we’ve met.” She gives a self-deprecating laugh. “You and I have had the shittiest timing. I promise, I’m not always an incompetent, sobbing idiot.”
“I never thought you were. Even when you were crying, you never seemed incompetent. You’re smart and sensitive. Maybe a little overwhelmed. You’ve had a rough couple of years.”
