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No. That wasn’t a relationship. That was a long term living situation that was convenient because Dan never pushed you for more than you wanted to give
Okay… that’s hurtful
I’m not judging you. I’m just saying, you deserve better. You deserve sex with your hot rich boss
Well, it’s not happening because my boss may be hot and rich but he just got out of a long term thing and I think she really broke his heart
So? Be his rebound girl!
I deserve better than to be a rebound girl
Agreed
But you also deserve hot sex with your hot boss.
I’m officially ignoring you because you’re being ridiculous.
Savannah has silenced notifications.
Chapter Eight
Ian
* * *
I was ten when I realized I make people feel uncomfortable.
Or rather, I was ten when I realized exactly how uncomfortable I make most people feel.
I had known for years that I wasn’t exactly normal. When you start kindergarten understanding long division, it’s not exactly something you can hide.
But my mother always told me I shouldn’t try to hide it. That I was exactly as smart as I was supposed to be, and it wasn’t my job to make other people feel comfortable with that. What can I say? My mom made it seem like being on the spectrum was cool long before it became a thing on TikTok.
It wasn’t until after my parents split up and my dad started dating that I knew any differently. It was one of his girlfriends who made me realize it.
“He’s just creepy,” I overheard her tell my father once. “The way he just stares at you without blinking. It’s unnatural.”
She was the first of his many girlfriends. After I overheard their conversation, I told my mom I didn’t want to visit my dad again, but she said I needed to try. So, it seemed worth my time to figure out how to not be creepy. How to make people feel comfortable enough to stick around. It turned out to be a moot point because he didn’t want to spend time with me anymore than I wanted to spend time with him and his rotating vapid girlfriends.
My point is this: you can learn how to do almost anything with enough determination and unlimited time on the Internet.
By the time I started Cookie Jar, I thought I was doing an admirable job of pretending to be a normal human. It was exhausting, but I could do it.
Except all that shit happened with Ava.
Why the hell was I working so hard to be normal, if it would never be enough?
So I made a deal with myself. I was done pretending to be something I wasn’t.
My mom had been right all along. It’s not my job to make other people comfortable.
It’s not my god damn job.
It’s not.
So why the hell am I tip-toeing around my own house?
Whatever the reason, more than a week has passed since the night I realized Savannah was afraid of me and I gave her permission to google me.
