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Chapter Three
AQUARIUS IS IDENTIFIED AS ‘THE GREAT ONE’ IN BABYLONIAN STARS
Pasha
Iturn over, hating myself for being weak. Ryn shouldn’t have this much control over me. It’s obvious I’ll never be his first choice of bride, and I should stop putting up with his scraps of attention.
I slither from the bed and gaze out of the window. Atlantis is quiet at this time of night. The only sounds come from the few bubbles of air escaping from the clam statue. The view from the royal quarters is nothing like the tiny grain of light I have in my small cave. I gaze over at Ryn sleeping peacefully and wish I’d said no to coming here.
Instead of disturbing Ryn, I make a quiet exit. The staff entrance is the one I’m most familiar with, and I let myself out of the back door. Ryn cares for me, I’m sure of it, but I can’t be his mistress for the rest of my life. I need to get away from him and try to keep the distance between us.
Out in the open, there’s nobody around as I make my way home. Once I’m in the shadows, I see Maris. Usually, I’d avoid her when returning from Ryn’s bed, but I need her to understand I never meant to hurt her.
“Maris,” I say as loud as I dare.
“Pasha?” she asks, sounding startled. “I didn’t expect to see anyone.” She clutches her chest like she’s spooked.
“I need to talk to you.”
“There’s nothing to be said. You’ve been seeing my future husband behind my back and my father still wants me to marry him.”
“I’m sorry, Maris. I tried to tell you about my relationship with Ryn.” My efforts probably haven’t been good enough because I was scared of what she’d think. I dip my head in shame.
“And my father tried to warn me about you.” Her tone is bitter, and I probably deserve it, but we’ve been friends for a long time. I wish she understood. It was a mistake to let him kiss me at graduation, and when I went to talk to him the day after, I shouldn’t have let it happen again. The guilt has been eating me up inside, and hearing him say we meant nothing hurt. I really like Ryn, and I thought he felt the same way. I never meant to cause Maris pain, especially when my relationship was based on lust. I’m such a fool for letting this get out of hand.
“That hurts. We’re friends.” I reach out to her, but the coldness in her eyes makes me stop.
“You’re nothing to me.”
My chest aches as her words cut deep. I hate how she’s looking at me, and it’s my fault. I want her forgiveness. Tears cloud my vision. “Please.”
She turns her back on me.
I’m a terrible person. But is it so wrong that I wanted to feel happy just for a little while? I nod to myself when she doesn’t answer and slowly start to leave. When I glance back, she’s gone. Hopefully, if I give her more time, she’ll forgive me. Although, I’m not sure what I can say that will make this right between us.
Sadness washes over me as I reach my cave. It’s small, cramped, and on the outskirts of the city. I wish this wasn’t where I belonged, but it’s getting harder and harder to believe I can be anything more than this.
“Where have you been?” my mother asks as I enter.
“Hello. I was visiting a friend,” I say, trying to keep the mood light.
“You need to get your head out of the coral and into the factory where you belong.”
“I still have one more week before I have to sign up.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Pasha.” She tries to comfort me, but I move away. The events committee might still offer me a job. I can’t give up the tiny glimmer of hope I have yet. My mother and two of my sisters all work at the shell factory, but I want more.
“Did you just accept your fate?” I ask her.
She bites her lip, looking off into the distance. “My story is complicated. I love you and your sisters, but I’ve spent most of my life scraping by. You need to find a good job and a hardworking husband. Don’t make the mistakes I did.”
“I’m not going to get pregnant.” My mum gave birth to my sister before her eighteenth birthday, and my dad left when I was young.
“You’re also not going to find a good man if you keep fraternising with the royal.” It’s an unspoken rule a royal will marry someone of the same status. I’m part of the working class, so I should find a similar merman. If I got a job in the king’s quarters, it would open up my options to those mer too, but not someone like Ryn.
I think back to graduation and the way he was looking at me. He told me I was special, but in reality, I was a fool for trusting him. Unlike Maris, my career is my focus, not finding a mate. A tug of guilt fills my chest. Maris is in love with the idea of being in love but I shouldn’t have been the one to burst her bubble.
My mother’s right. I need to forget about Ryn and Maris so I can focus on my future like I should’ve been doing all along. It’s hard to accept this is the most I can be, but I need to stop dreaming. “Just give me my last week.”
