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“We care about you, Ben. You closed off when Breanna died, and we’ve all had to accept that there were parts of you that you didn’t want to share anymore. But that doesn't mean we don’t wonder what’s going on in your life. That we don’t want you to find happiness,” Sam offers calmly.
“I’m happy,” I retort, hearing the anger in my voice. I shake my head. Fuck.
“That’s what you’ve always told us, and we believed you.”
“Until a few weeks ago,” Dom adds.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “We got used to cautious, overprotective, play by the rules Ben since Ains was a kid. We thought that was the new normal for you. That was single dad Ben. But either you outgrew that stage suddenly, or that girl shook something loose in you because the last few weeks you’ve been a lot like your old self again.”
“Well, I hope you enjoyed it. It’s back to business as usual. Boring, mean Ben who you lot have apparently just been tolerating all these years.”
“That’s not what he meant at all,” Ave says, laying hand on my shoulder. It’s all I can do not to step back and shake him off. These guys are doing what they do best—honing in on the truth.
But today, I don’t want them to find it.
“We love you and want you around just the way you are, buddy. But we’ve all seen how losing your wife and raising your son alone weighed on you. We wondered as he got older if you would relax a bit when he graduated high school, but you only doubled down on making your life all about him by chasing him around the world. We’re going to support you no matter what, but maybe this little vacation fling, or whatever it was, can be a first step for you to consider some ways you could start living for yourself. Making a life for yourself. Your son is an adult. You may be able to keep him under your influence through college, although that doesn’t seem like it’s working out. Either way, you’re going to have to let him live his own life soon enough.”
I do take that step back now, letting Ave’s hand fall away. My eyes are on my flip-flops and I shake my head. I was so prepared to defend my little secret with these guys, but it turns out they rooted right to the heart of the problem. And it has nothing to do with Victoria or her exes.
For the second time in the last few weeks, I’m forced to consider the possibility that the only real problem in my life is my unwillingness to let go. Let go of my late wife and the life we were going to build together. Let go of needing my son to follow in my footsteps, the only path I can lead him down where I’ll know all the secrets and pitfalls ahead of time and can guide him.
Let go of the center of my entire universe.
How does a person even go about doing that?
“I don’t know who I am if not Ainsley’s father.”
Ave laughs. “We do.”
“Yeah. We do,” Dom adds. “You’re the guy who jumped into the quarry to fish out my kid sister after Sam dared her to go in there with only a pair of water wings.” He elbows Sam, who looks sheepish.
“You’re the guy who paid to rebuild the school in Saubry when the hurricane took it out our second year here. And added a second level and three new outbuildings,” Sam says.
“You’re the guy who took it upon himself to build a sex dungeon in the Merit house instead of partying with all the hot chicks I brought over. And you’ve only used it once,” Ave offers with a sly grin.
I cock my head. “Twice.”
All three sets of eyebrows shoot up in unison, an act so comical that I almost crack a smile. I shake my head and turn my gaze down, finding it difficult all of a sudden to take a full breath in the face of the love and understanding written across my friend’s faces.
“We know you, all right? And we know you’re a beast when it comes to change of any kind. So, we’ll let you take your time with this one. But now that we know old Ben is still in there somewhere, we’re not going to put up with your stone-faced bullshit much longer. We get that you’re the caretaker. You always have been. But you’ve been leaving yourself out of that love and that shit ends now.” Ave steps forward and grips my shoulder hard enough that I can’t shake him off. “Head on back to the city. Do what you gotta do. But just know that we’re watching.”
I huff out a laugh. “Is that supposed to be a threat?”
“If it needs to be,” Dom answers, dead serious. “And I think we need to bump our quarterly meetings up to monthly. Now that we know you’re capable of having a good time down here, we’re going to need you to fly down more often.”
I can’t help the smile that breaks through as I finally meet the eyes of my lifelong friends. “I think I can probably work that into my schedule. If the resort demands it, of course.”
“Well, we should get back to work,” Dom says, glancing back at the crew that’s been on a break since the leaders all wandered off.
I nod. “Sorry I’m not sticking around to help out.”
“No worries, man. I’ll save you some sanding and staining work for when you’re back next month,” Sam says with a smile before pulling me into a tight embrace.
I take a deep breath before relaxing into it. When I step back, Dom and Ave are waiting with side hugs and back claps.
“Have a safe flight,” Sam calls out as I walk back to my cart. I turn and wave, catching one last glimpse of the trio before they start chiding each other back to work.
