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Don’t cry, Victoria.
Instead, I try to drag the fantasy out of my mind and into the real world by saying something really, really stupid.
“Does it bother you that our relationship is still secret?”
“Do you want it to be less secret?” he asks, glancing over at me from the road.
I search his tone for any indication of whether that’s what he wants, but he’s not giving anything away.
So, naturally, I panic. “Not necessarily, I mean, it’s not secret, really, everyone knows, right?”
I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t look over.
“Something going on?” he asks.
“No, sorry. I just…it’s been…” I don’t know how to put my feelings into words without actually telling him what I’m feeling.
“Yeah, I guess I know what you mean. It’s been like that for me, too. And yes, everyone I know around here knows, but it still feels very private. I’ve been enjoying having you to myself out here, even with all this chaos. But if we need to make some changes for you to be more comfortable, just let me know.”
“No,” I say quickly. “No, it’s okay.”
The cart stops right in the middle of the road and Ben turns fully to face me on the bench seat. “What we have going on here is important to me, Vic. It’s something. We don’t do a lot of talking about the future, but we should start.”
And there it is. Everything I’ve ever wanted, wrapped up like a rock in paper, smashing through my windows with a note that reads: haha.
“Like, the future of us?” I squeak out.
“Yeah. I know it sounds crazy,” Ben adds quickly as I open my mouth to protest. “Maybe it is crazy. But these last few weeks, I’ve felt crazy—in the best possible way. You’ve opened me up and I don't know how I would ever go back to business as usual. It’s like I don’t even know that guy from before. And that has a lot to do with you.”
“Ben…” I can’t meet his eyes as I struggle to find the words to put Pandora back in her freaking box.
But I know the only thing I can offer here is the truth.
“No, not here. Let’s get back to the house, get cleaned up a bit and then have a real conversation,” he says quickly, responding to something he must see in my face. I try to suck it up and put my smile back on, but I can’t seem to do it.
“Ben, you don’t understand.” I’d rather just get out of the cart here and make my way back to the dock on foot. If we’re driving back to the house to have a serious discussion about our future, there’s no way it ends well.
“Victoria, I understand you might have some reservations, but I know you feel what I feel. I don’t want to do this in the cart. Let me take you home, tell you the ideas I have for how we can make this work. You’re welcome to argue, but just know that I get my way for a living, and it’s very difficult to out-debate me.”
I could win the argument with a few simple words.
I’m your son’s ex.
But, of course, I don’t.
“Okay.” And it’s true. If he thinks he can take me “home” and convince me that this thing between us is real, I’m going to let him. I want it to be real. I want him. I want everything.
And it sounds like that’s what he wants too. He doesn’t quite realize how convincing my arguments are going to be for why it’ll never work, but if he’s going to fight for us, so am I.
When we finally pull up to the house on Merit, there’s another golf cart in the drive.
“That’s Avery. I’ll get rid of him. You go grab a shower, okay?”
I nod and accept his kiss, watching him jog up the front steps.
I make my way around the side of the house and through the door leading to the side steps to my room. The shower is life changing, much like Ben thinks the next hour of my life will be.
I have so much hope. I don’t know where it’s all coming from, but it’s there.
