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Victoria, however, presents a very interesting conundrum. On the one hand, I think I know what’s best for her. On the other, I obviously don’t know what’s best for her.
My brain is breaking in half.
Could I really live a life with someone who is actively making choices that I disagree with?
When it comes to my son, the answer is no. I’ve made the decisions for him, and I expect him to follow through because I know what’s best.
But with Victoria, she’s an adult. Her own person. She gets to make her own decisions and build her life the way she wants.
But Ainsley is also an adult. And his own person. But he’s also kind of my person.
The last thing I need right now is a complete meltdown, but I feel it coming.
“Hey,” I call to a kid sitting on a lounger next to a cooler. “Pass me one of those.”
The kid—no, not kid. Actually, a fully grown adult man and my employee, cracks a beer and passes it to me with a grin. I pound it and crush the can between my hands in a move I haven’t done since college.
“Hell, yeah, man.” The guy reaches up for a high five.
After an awkward pause where his hand hangs in the air, he returns it to his side and turns back to the bikini clad woman beside him.
I have to draw the line somewhere and apparently high fives are where I’m making my stand.
I shake off the interaction and focus on the cooling, calming feeling of the ice-cold alcohol hitting my system. Then I dive into the pool.
It doesn’t have the refreshing effect I was looking for. The cool water hits me like a splash of reality, banishing the warmth of my comfort zone and forcing me to confront the brisk truth.
I may have lived my entire life incorrectly.
I stay under the water, mourning my wasted years, as long as I possibly can. When I finally surface, I’m gasping for air.
Gasping for my sense of balance and stability to be restored.
Grasping for my usual lifeline of rules and order.
But it’s just not there.
I’m a changed man. I can’t go back to how I used to see the world. I don’t know what this means for me. For my career. For my son. But I do know one thing for sure.
I’m not going to let my own petty rules and ideas about life ruin my chances with this woman. I can see it so clearly now and, while I’m not entirely sure how to fix everything that’s wrong with me, I know how to take the first step forward.
I spin in the water until I find her, sitting on a chaise lounge in the shade, still in her shorts and tank, talking to a group of women I recognize from the fitness center at The Sands. I swim over to the edge of the pool and hang there, watching her.
It doesn't take long for her to look my way. She smiles at me, and then looks self-consciously around at the other women.
I try not to take it personally. She’s been this way ever since the employees arrived at the house, and I can’t really blame her. We’ve had the whole world to ourselves for weeks. The intrusion is painful.
But it is a little bit odd that she’s so averse to anyone knowing about us spending time together. Not that I feel ready to tell the world, but still. It’s clear from her behavior that she wants to keep us a secret.
I just don’t understand why.
“You ladies coming in for a swim?” I call, cringing at how much of a creeper I sound like.
They’re all looking at me now, wearing familiar smiles. I see them on the faces of women everywhere I go. I know that sounds conceited, and it probably is, but it’s the truth. I’m a very eligible bachelor, and many women out there are trying to catch my eye.
But only one has. And she doesn’t seem interested in anyone knowing about us.
As much as I want to question her about it, this isn't the time or place. All I can do is respect her choice and follow her lead.
