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“Oh, save it, dad. You and your reasons. You act like you’ve got all the time in the world, but I’m here to tell you that this silver fox stage you’re in right now, it won’t last. You’re just going to be an old man soon and don’t you want to be an old man who snagged himself a girl?”
My mind can’t stop tripping over those words long enough to form a coherent sentence, so I just clench my eyes closed and try to pretend this conversation isn't happening. Ainsley, of course, doesn't take the hint to shut up.
“She’s good for you. Anyone can see it. I talked to Cynthia last week and she agreed.”
“Why were you talking to my secretary?”
Another carefree laugh. “We talk, man. I’ve known her since I was a kid. She’s the closest thing you have to a friend in this city, so we chat sometimes and exchange news about you. God knows you don’t tell either of us everything.”
Another bombshell to process later. “I don’t need your assistance with my dating life, Ainsley. I appreciate the gesture, but I have everything under?—”
“Don’t say control. If we’re having this conversation right now, it means that Vicki’s not there, which means that your dumbass left her behind somewhere, and that is an indication that you don’t have anything under control.” He mimics my voice on those last two words.
I grind my teeth harder.“I just need more time.”
“And how long do you think a girl like that is going to wait around for you to get over your hang-ups and decide to let her make you happy?”
“She seemed very interested in working together to secure some kind of future for our relationship. I got the impression that I could take some time to think it over.”
The kid might die of hilarity at my words.
“Jesus, dad. You are a lost cause. Working together to secure some kind of future for our relationship." He does a poor imitation of me again and laughs. “The girl is gaga for you, and I know you feel the same way. Cynthia told me that you’ve been clocking out before six every night. What the hell’s that about? And I’ve been seeing the movies you’re watching, it’s like you’re running through a list of Vicki’s favorites.”
“How do you know what movies I watch?”
“I use all your streaming logins. They’re right there on the home page.”
I should have known that. I should have known a lot of the things the kid’s telling me, but I didn’t. I didn’t know he was in contact with people close to me to exchange information. I didn’t know he paid any attention to my life at all.
It makes me wonder what else I don’t know.
And if I want to find out.
I grimace at the thought.
“I’m doing some life reevaluation right now. And yes, I am considering whether Victoria could be a part of that.”
“What’s to consider? You date a girl, it works out or it doesn't. This idea you have that you need to know the end before you begin is what’s holding you back. Just take the leap and see what happens.”
“It’s my careful deliberation over possible endings that has gotten me to where I am right now. I don’t just leap into things without doing my research and making sure I can contain any collateral damage.”
“Oh, give it a rest, dad. That’s all bull and you know it. You can’t live your life in a bubble where you only interact with possibilities that have predictable outcomes. I’ve only just started statistics class and even I know that. I get that you feel like you have a lot to protect in life, but maybe it’s time to let some of that stuff go.”
He’s right, of course, but I can’t help arguing the point until it’s dead. I want to stop. I want to let him win. But I still hold the trump card. I beg myself not to play it.
But in the end, I do.
“I promised your mother that I would take good care of you. Every decision I’ve made has been to provide you with the best possible opportunities and future.”
I pause and wait for him to concede the argument to me and apologize, but the kid just sighs.
“Dad, you did it. I survived. I’m an adult. I’m in college, and you’re rich as fuck. Everything’s fine. It’s time to let go of the words that have haunted you for the last thirteen years and start living your life. Mom’s gone. She’s been gone a long time, and you did everything you promised her and more.”
He’s so right it nauseates me.
I take the coward’s way out.
“I’ve got another call coming in. I’ll talk to you soon.”
