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Memphis lets out a breath. “Good.”
I collapse against him, resting against his chest. His heart thuds under my cheek, lulling me to a state of calm. I almost miss his next question.
“Was it consensual?”
I don’t answer. Maybe he’ll think I dozed off. Unfortunately, Memphis is way too perceptive for that.
“Tell me, did someone do this without your blessing?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I mutter.
“It matters,” he says, his voice low. “It’ll always fucking matter.”
“It was my fault.”
I can hear how tired I sound when I say it. I haven’t convinced Memphis, not in the least, but I don’t have it in me to argue anymore. My heat symptoms, combined with the events of the past few days, have completely drained me.
At least I feel some relief with Memphis’s knot still inside me. My pulse slows, my breathing growing more even as my body rewards me for finding an Alpha to mate with. I only hope I’ve bought myself enough relief to do what I need to.
However much I’ve enjoyed sex with Camden and Memphis, I know I can’t stay with them. They’ve been tasked with taking me back to the Castles, and I know none of them will give up their responsibility easily. I need to watch for the right time to break away from them, when I’m not too weak to run. Hopefully, I can find some of the roots I need to stop the rest of my heat symptoms.
That’s not the only thing I should be foraging for, I realize. I just let two Alphas spill their seed inside me in less than a day. I’ll need to find contraceptive herbs and fast. I have no idea how long I can wait before the herbs are pointless. A heat messes with your fertility. Even now, life might be forming in my womb.
I find that I don’t hate the idea.
At least if I had a child, I wouldn’t be alone. I could have a family again—someone to love and feel responsible for. I could raise my baby out here, teach her everything Momma taught me. Loneliness has been creeping up on me for a while now, but being around these Alphas, I can’t deny how deeply I feel it. I miss being with people.
I want to smack myself for the thoughts. What am I doing, fantasizing about having a baby when I’m not even sure I’ll survive the winter? It’s selfish and wrong to doom a child to the life I’ve chosen. Sure, it’s better than the alternative—being raised in a mansion, with everything a kid could want, but with abusive Alphas waiting for the moment to strike. My child would never be safe from Grayson and Papa.
But life out here? I could never condemn a kid to that either. It’s a brutal, merciless world. I can’t stoop to dragging an innocent baby into my mess.
SEVENTEEN
—
D E N V E R
The dark sky matches my mood as we trek forward, the smoke thickening in the air around us. I hear the rustle of small animals moving through the brush. The fire is enough of a threat that they’re more concerned with getting away from it than the threat of human predators. Apparently, chaos is on the menu for everyone in the forest tonight.
Nothing’s going right. Preparing for every contingency before a mission is a point of pride for me. I’m seldom caught by surprise, and if I am, I can trust my judgment and roll with the punches—metaphorically and, all too often, literally. The minute I accepted this goddamn assignment, I threw myself into research and planning. Naturally, I assumed the hardest part of this mission would be finding Brooklyn, if we managed to even do that. I didn’t put much thought into the difficulties of getting her home.
Now, here we are, with a wildfire, a storm, and hundreds of miles between us and the end goal. However much I prepared, it obviously wasn’t enough.
But how could I have planned for an Omega in heat drawing in my entire team? Camden and Memphis were both gone for Brooklyn the moment they scented her. She’s got them wrapped around her little finger, even though she’s lied to us, run from us, and stolen our things more than once. No wonder she survived out here on her own—she’s able to control the environment around her perfectly. Camden and Memphis were no match for her.
Fuck. I know I’m not being fair to the other guys. I saw with my own eyes how hard Memphis tried to resist Brooklyn, and I gave Camden my blessing to knot her. It was the right choice strategically—he had the most experience with Omegas in heat. I can’t blame either of them for how they reacted to her.
And I’m definitely being unfair to Brooklyn. Her very biology is what’s controlling the guys. All she’s trying to do is make it through this nightmare without losing her mind from the pain.
I’ve got to step up and take responsibility. I’m the leader here. It means I have the responsibility to stay neutral, even if my teammates have compromised their objectivity. I made a promise to Roger Castle to be the one in control. Which means I have to stay the hell away from Brooklyn, no matter how tempting she smells.
“Should we wait for them here?” Camden asks when we reach the top of a ridge.
I nod and drop my pack. Rain’s coming, but it’s not here yet. The fire’s still a threat, which means we need a plan. I find binoculars in my pack and survey the land ahead. There’s a valley, then another ridge. Beyond it, I can see gray rocks.
A plan has formed in my mind by the time Memphis and Brooklyn catch up with us. She’s walking, which means Memphis’s knot took the edge off for her. I should be happy about it—we’ll make faster progress without someone having to carry her.
But fuck that. I hate that she’s better because Memphis got to her. My instincts are demanding that I sink my own cock in her, too. Her scent is still heady and delicious, even managing to overtake the smell of smoke.
