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“I know we haven’t known each other for long,” Erin began, her hand casually outstretched on the desk as if silently hoping Julia would reach for it, “but I want you to know that you can talk to me if you ever need someone.”
Did she see it? Did Julia drop the silver sheen mask that had become a part of her cells–a curse to bear with no prince’s kiss written in her story? Or were Erin’s eyes made to set upon her flesh, a permanent built-in x-ray mechanism to identify even the slightest change?
Julia did trust her. She trusted her with more than she should have. There she was, vulnerable and admitting the faults within her own school, relying on Erin’s expertise to fix it, when it could be the very thing in the report that reflected poorly on her. She even trusted her with herself, to not have to drape that invisible cloak across her body while in her presence.
She didn’t really think about it until then. She never considered exactly how deep that trust had already run–a vast, unexplored cavern in the deepest recesses of the ocean. She promised herself she wouldn’t get close, that she’d keep a distance to separate out the personal. Even in that professionalism, they grew closer. They fit together so well, too well.
She was always too afraid to stand too close, to allow her gaze to linger too long unless in the sanctity of that office. They’d go to the copy room together, talking as they readied material for another workshop or meeting. Last week the printer jammed and Erin leaned over the machine as she opened the side compartment to identify the problem. She began searching for the runaway paper, sure that it must have just been crumbled between overused aluminum teeth.
Julia knew it was a two-person job–one person to hold the roller while the other slowly inched out the paper–but she couldn’t bring herself to lean that close, couldn’t allow Erin’s vanilla scent to soak that deep into her nostrils. Instead, she stood awkwardly against the wall, reaching farther than she needed to avoid having someone walk by and get the wrong impression.
When they’d work from one desk in her office, both leaning over the same document as they analyzed reports, she’d jump at a knock at the door. She was always afraid someone might notice the way her body gravitated just inches too close, that someone might read her mind–but she was the only one who knew the depth of the moat she built around her heart, sinking anything foreign or domestic that came close enough to breach the gates.
At that moment, it didn’t matter anymore. She stopped worrying about what look, what word, what touch could be taken wrong. She reached out and placed her hand over Erin’s warm flesh. This is normal. This is what friends do.
“I do, but I am okay.”
Julia allowed her hand to stay there just a second longer. She felt the gentle motion of Erin’s thumb tracing circles on the tender skin above her knuckle. Or was that in her head? Like the way electricity could be felt between cells?
Too close. This is all coming too close.
“It’s getting late,” Julia sighed. “You should get home.”
Julia gave a weak smile as she pulled her hand back. She closed the rest of the folders on her desk, creating a mountain of work to take home with her–a distraction to fall into, even though she didn’t want it. She could’ve stayed and got it done, could’ve drank another cold cup of coffee as she fought the tiredness behind her eyes, but she knew Erin would’ve stayed too.
“Goodnight, Julia,” Erin said, rising from her desk. Her voice hung in the air, almost pleading for Julia to ask her to stay.
“Goodnight, Erin.”
Chapter Ten
“Great news!” Keegan exclaimed, pulling a weekly meeting schedule for Julia to review.
Julia stepped into the office, the early morning sunlight passing a soft glow through the window.
“Our parent-teacher conferences are finally done. Erin’s new office is finally ready!”
Julia looked up from her mailbox, the envelopes she just picked up folding over in her hands. This should be good news. She’d get her own space back. Things could go back to normal, whatever that was. She should be relieved. She should be thrilled, but she wasn’t.
This is great!
“That’s great.” She forced the perfect smile, hoping it didn’t look as plastic as it felt.
“You’ll get your hideaway back.” Keegan smirked.
“That is really great,” Julia repeated, trying desperately to sound sincere.
Keegan looked up from where she sat at her desk. She had a schedule in one hand and a folder in the other. She closed the folder and came around to the front of the L-shaped desk. She leaned on the glossy counter, her hands bracing the edges of the worn surface behind her.
Her eyes narrowed, sight locked directly on Julia. “What is it?”
“What?” Julia feigned confusion, turning around with the mail in her hands. Keegan raised both eyebrows and shot Julia a knowing look. “It is a great thing!”
“You aren’t acting like it’s a great thing.”
“I’m smiling and saying it is a great thing,” Julia defended. “How is that not acting like it’s a great thing?”
“Because you’re saying great too much.“ Keegan leered as she crossed her arms in front of her. “What is it? Really?”
