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“Are you serious?” Will frowned. “About last night.”
Patrick pursed his lips and folded his arms.
“No, don’t do that,” said Will. “Don’t act like you’re above talking about sex.”
“Now is not the time or place.”
“You’re right. The time and place to talk was last night, in your hotel, but you kicked me out. You made me feel so used, Patrick. It was horrible.”
“I made you feel that way?” Patrick’s lip curled up. “There was fucking cum on my work stuff, Will. Do you have any idea how inappropriate that is? All of it? What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that I wanted to make you happy,” said Will. “And I’m pretty sure I did. And then you just shut down. Froze me out. I thought we were beyond that. I don’t know, I thought that you’d—”
“God, you’re so convinced you know everything, aren’t you? So sure you know me better than I know myself. It’s condescending. It’s annoying. Because the truth is”—Patrick pointed at him, jabbing the air furiously—“you don’t listen. Not really. I tell you, over and over, I have to keep my work separate from the rest of my life, and you show up. I set a boundary, and you come prancing right over it.”
“That is bollocks,” said Will, “and you know it. I have done nothing but try to respect your boundaries. This entire relationship has been on your terms. Your bloody lawyers made sure of that.”
“You don’t get to throw that in my face. You knew the score when we started seeing each other. You agreed to it.”
Will felt a lump in his throat at Patrick’s cold words. “I did. But you should have known how unfair you were being. How impossible it is to be with someone when you can’t really be with them.”
“I am with you! I am with you all the time!” Patrick yelled. “I met your family, I brought you to Audra’s party, I even put on a fucking dress and a wig so we could go out together. I have given more of myself to you than anyone else in my life, Will, and god, it’s never enough! You need so much! I can’t handle it!”
The words hit too familiar, fresh and sharp.
“If I’m so difficult to be with, then why are you even bothering?” Will asked.
“I’m starting to ask myself the same thing,” Patrick said calmly, which was worse somehow. It was a sad fact, like he had just noticed it had begun to rain.
“You don’t get to treat me like an inconvenience, Patrick.”
“You’ve always known exactly what I was able to offer. It’s not my fault if you thought that would change.”
“I can’t help it. I want more. I deserve more. We both do.”
“Then I don’t know what to tell you.” Patrick cleared his throat. “I should have known you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“You act like things are the same for us. They’re not. How you move through the world is very different from the way I do.”
“I know my work comes with some advantages—”
“I’m not talking about your work,” said Will. “I’m talking about how nobody takes issue with your sexuality because you keep it private. And that is your choice. I don’t know that I ever had a choice. The first person to call me gay was my PE teacher. I was eight. He knew before I had even figured it out for myself.” He flapped a wrist pointedly. “I’ve never been able to hide anything.”
Patrick looked down, then back to the trailer door. Will could feel the seconds he had left with Patrick slipping away, knew that this was maybe the last time they would ever be in the same room together, his last chance to get Patrick to understand how he felt.
“I—” he began.
“You really need to go,” Patrick said.
There were no magic words, Will realized. No spell he could cast that would reverse the flow of time or change the reality of their lives. This was it. This was all they would ever get.
“Fine,” he said. “Bye, Patrick.”
He walked numbly out of the trailer and back out across the lot toward the exit. Digbeth looked the same as ever, which felt incorrect. The graffiti and cigarette butts and broken bottles from overturned bins had not changed. But hadn’t everything changed?
“Will?” He felt a hand on his shoulder.
“I finally found a place to park,” Jordan said when he turned around. “Are you OK? What happened? What did he say?”
