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“Hmm?” Harley looked up at them, as if he had genuinely forgotten their presence. “Oh. That. I thought you were kidding! The thing’s a total myth. But I knew Paddy here was a bit of a connoisseur, like myself.” He nudged Patrick in the ribs. “I figured you’d want to see this. Pretty impressive, right?” He used his free hand to take out his phone and snap a rapid selfie of the two of them. “I’m a bit surprised you actually came in person,” he added. “Must be my lucky day.”
“OK, that’s enough,” said Will. “Let’s go.”
“Before you do,” said Harley, putting an arm around Patrick’s shoulder. “I’ve got an investment opportunity…”
“Nope,” Will barked, stepping between the two, chest puffed out, his performance of butchness somehow still more convincing than Harley’s alpha male facade. “Mr. Manning,” he continued, “you’ll be hearing from Mr. Lake’s lawyer about the delay you caused to production by dragging him away from set today. Not to mention the subterfuge of getting him here under false pretenses.” He steered Patrick toward the door of the office with a single wiry arm, and Patrick went along with the charade. Will made a face like he was doing mental math, then gave Harley a verbal estimate of how much he was going to end up being sued for.
“Come on, now,” said Harley. “That’s not exactly necessary, is it? Paddy, mate…”
“My client’s name is not Paddy,” Will said. “And if I were you, I’d start liquidating assets. Mr. Lake’s attorneys don’t accept payment in the form of NFTs.”
* * *
•••••••••
“You make a very good handler,” Patrick told Will in the car, once they were back on the road and had finally stopped laughing.
Will clutched his own chest. “I hardly ever use my Top Voice,” he said. “But that was pretty convincing, no? I was kind of hot.”
“Top Voice?” asked Patrick, sensing Will’s use of capitals.
“Oh, you know. The voice you use for talking to, like, plumbers. When you need to perform manhood.” Will glanced over at him. “I suppose you don’t know, actually, do you? Your Top Voice is just your…voice.”
Patrick laughed. “I guess.”
“Must be a gay thing,” said Will, turning to look out the window.
“If you say so,” Patrick replied, his heart thudding a little faster at the confirmation of his pretty robust hunch that Will, the person fast becoming a recurring character in his life, was, in fact, gay. “Hey, what was up with that guy’s office? It was halfway between a child’s bedroom and a sports bar.”
“A man cave,” said Will, shuddering even as he said the words. Then, more sincerely, he added: “I’m sorry, Patrick. What a waste of time. I just…” He huffed in frustration. “I can’t believe he let us come all the way up here when he didn’t have what we were looking for, on the off chance he’d get a photo and an autograph out of it. That takes some serious brass neck.”
“Dudes like that love to show off,” Patrick told him with a shrug. “He who dies with the most toys wins.”
“And you’re one of the toys?” Will asked.
Patrick shrugged again and smiled. “A highly collectible action figure,” he said.
They continued in silence for a little while, and Patrick, so used to sitting around doing nothing until somebody cried “Action,” suddenly found himself fidgeting, reaching uselessly for things to say.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. “I’m hungry. We should stop somewhere. To eat. Could you eat? I could eat.”
“Uh, sure,” said Will.
“Great,” said Patrick. “Why don’t you pick somewhere when we get back. My treat, obviously. To say thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Today was a flop.”
“Still. To say thank you for trying. I insist.”
Will gave him a confused smile and nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
“Great,” Patrick said. The silence that followed was a little more comfortable, Patrick gazing out the window at the unfamiliar gray stretch of highway, Will absorbed in his phone, until he heard a mumbled “Bugger.”
“Sorry?” Patrick turned back to him.
“I have this thing tonight,” said Will. “Family dinner. I completely forgot about it until just now.”
“Oh.” You don’t have to lie, Patrick thought. I get it. I’ve taken up enough of your time, and now you want to get back to your own life.
