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"It… It’s not nonsense. You didn’t care for me the way you did for your career. You… found out I was pregnant, and you never came home to see me during the pregnancy."
Nothing I haven’t heard before, and yet, the ring of truth to it squeezes my guts again. "I was on a mission." I set my jaw. "The fate of the country?—"
"And of most of the free world depended on you." She tosses her head. "Good to know your excuses haven’t changed."
"It’s not an excuse; it's the truth.” But if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t make the same choices. I’d ensure I didn't neglect my son. I’d make sure to be there for him emotionally through his growing years.
Felix flinches. I see the anguish on his features and curse myself. I wish he didn’t have to listen to this conversation, but it might be for the best. He’s grown up. It’s best he listens to what his mother has to say. It’s best he sees her true colors himself.
The father in me wants to save him from the truth. But the soldier in me knows he needs to face the reality of the situation.
So, I shove aside my feelings and glower at the woman standing in front of me with a pleading expression on her face.
“You knew who I was when you met me. You knew my duty to my country came first."
"You mean, your duty to building your career and feeding your own ego?” She huffs.
"Good to know your arguments haven’t varied after all these years." I bare my teeth.
She draws herself to her full height. "I did not come to be insulted by you."
I place my fingertips together. “No, you came to demand more money. And I’ve already told you, I’m not giving you any.”
Felix shakes his head. “I can’t believe that you never wanted to meet me. You had no interest in seeing me grow up? You had no curiosity about how I was, or how I looked, or how I was faring?”
She lowers her chin, but not before the guilt in her expression is evident.
“Oh, my God.” He rubs his forehead. “All this time, I made up this fantasy about you returning someday to claim me. Fuck! How could I have been that naïve?”
“Felix.” She takes a step in his direction.
He moves back. “Don’t... Please. I... I need to figure this out.”
“I’m sorry”—she swallows—“truly. I'm sorry I left and couldn’t deal with being a mother. But I’m back and I want to make amends.” She blinks rapidly. “Uh... Also, I came because I need you both to hear this from me.” She hunches her shoulders and nervousness lurks at the edge of her gaze.
For the first time since I’ve known her, she looks uncertain. She glances away, refusing to meet my gaze, and the hair on the nape of my neck rises.
"What is it? What the fuck have you done?” I growl.
"Good old Quentin, so quick to pass judgement on me.” She half laughs. “Sometimes, I’m not sure why we even got together."
“Don’t stall. Whatever it is you’re here to say, spit it out already,” I snap.
Sweat lines her forehead. She looks from Felix to me, then back to Felix. "I… I had an affair when you were gone."
So, my suspicions were right. I set my jaw. When I stay silent, she shuffles her feet. "There’s more.” She looks away then back at me. “Felix... Uh, he’s not your son.”
“I’m not sure I heard that right.” I begin to laugh, then I see the look on her face and realize she’s serious. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You’re joking.” Felix pales, gazing at his mother with a trust she never earned. I want to go to him and shake him, so he sees her true colors. Though the way Shiloh is going, I don’t need to do anything.
“This can’t be true.” He shakes his head. “Tell me, mother. Tell me it’s not true. This is your way at getting back at Quentin, right?”
She stays silent.
His face falls further. He turns to me with an uncomprehending look on his face. “What... What is she saying, Dad?”
He called me Dad. He hasn’t called me that since he was a teen. A heaviness squeezes my chest. A thick sensation coats my throat. I want to go to him and put my arms around him and console him. I take a step in his direction, but he’s looking at me with such shock, my heart slams into my ribcage. It feels like a gun has gone off in my chest.
