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I rolled my eyes. “Sweetling, you’ve got to start making wiser decisions.”
“And you should probably eat a lot less people,” she mentioned with a noncommittal shrug. “We all have things to work on.”
Caspian snorted at this derisively, but then he heard his cellphone buzz in his pocket. He seemed like he was going to ignore it at first, but then seemed to want to know who was calling.
He looked down and sighed. “It’s the witch again.”
“Put it on speaker,” I asked, pointing to the bed.
Caspian pushed a button on the phone then laid the device flat on the bed.
“Witch?” he guessed as he answered the phone by putting it on speaker.
“That’s not how you answer the phone,” Wendy complained from the other line. “Mos’ people say ‘Hello’ like they’re not complete heathens. Anyway, how ya’ll doin’ on dat gem-hunt of yours?”
“Could be better,” hissed Zazie, still looking flushed from the pain. “Did you check on my brother?”
“Did I! Cher, I tell you what, I brought him and that whining husband right back to my place and?—”
“Oh, God!” Zazie complained, looking incredulous. “You didn’t!”
“He’s on death’s door, you fucking bet your nuts I did!” was the defensive reply. “That cancer is gettin’ all aggressive. I’ve been keeping him together with my whole spell book, oauis. Give that chemo an ally-oop. And it’s working fine enough. And Seraphus knows I got him, but his cronies are just… I dunno. Waiting? Watching? Standing strangely right out on the street and staring at my place? Pick a number, I guess. That husband is in a right state, too.”
Zazie huffed. “Probably because of the shadow-man. Or your demon. Or your cat.”
Caspian visibly shuddered at the mention of the cat, unable to handle his disgust.
“Are you kiddin’? Ryan and Silas became fast friends! They’re practically the same person! Grumpy streak a mile wide, both of ‘em.” There was a beat of silence. “Mais there was an initial shock, ouais. But now we’re just campin’ out together, a great happy family while we wait for you. What’s the plan?”
“We can’t get to you!” Caspian argued. “You’re under watch!”
“That’s not a plan, that’s jus’ another problem,” Wendy complained.
“Do you have a plan?” Zazie asked hopefully. “Or maybe your boyfriend does?”
“Big Daddy, you mean?” Wendy asked, sounding confused.
“Yes.”
“Now he ain’t my boyfriend exactly, but Big Daddy is doin’ research about it, yeah. But he ain’t come up with nothin’ yet. Look, I think we all know what needs to be done.”
Caspian, me, and Zazie all looked at each other for a moment before looking down at the phone.
“Which is?” I demanded.
“Well, you gotta take Seraphus out, of course. I mean, kill him dead. It’s a shame, ‘cause he is a little on the handsome side, but he’s bad news. Hell, he’s such bad news, Samael wants to take you out himself.”
“Huh?”
“I mean, you die and you ain’t a weapon no more for him, are ya?” Wendy reminded tersely. “Mais don’t you worry, he’s happy to be talked out of it.”
“Oh, that’s good…” Zazie squeaked, unsettled.
“Let’s talk about djinn weaknesses. You got three ways of killin’ an ancient djinn there. First, poison. Second, cuttin’ the head clean off. Third, burning him to death. Or you could trap him.”
“Trap him?”
“Ouais, cher! Now, it’s really hard to trap a djinn, but it can be done. Not into a lamp exactly, but there have been stories. The real rub is that I have no idea how to trap one.” There was a pause over the line. “Do you?”
