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“Dance with me. This song is my favorite,” he says before tugging my body against him again. He pulls me closer now than he did in the ballroom and I feel his hardness against my belly.
“What is the song?” I ask, trying not to focus on the fact that he’s aroused. Or the fact that it’s doing funny things to my insides. I feel nervous and jittery and excited all at once. Like the time I had too many espresso shots.
“Wonderful Tonight,” He hums along to the music. “My parents danced to it every night when I was a kid.”
It’s the most I’ve ever heard about his past. “Do they still?”
His voice is quiet. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen them in years.”
I’m curious about Ryan. There are so many things I want to learn about him. Instead of asking questions, I say, “I’m sorry.” Then I tuck myself against him, letting my body completely relax.
We dance through the next two songs until more partygoers are entering the auction room to examine the items up for bid.
He threads his fingers through mine and leads me to the terrace outside. I breathe in the humid June air and welcome the feeling of the evening breeze against my face.
“They were good parents,” he says.
I reach out to put a hand over his suitcoat. “You don’t owe me the story.”
Of all the people in the world, I understand not wanting to show off wounds that still bleed.
He stares at my hand before saying, “I’d like to tell you.”
I squeeze his forearm, noticing how muscular and strong it is. Just like the rest of the man. “Then I’d like to hear it.”
“They loved me and tried to do right by me. But when I came home from the war, I was a mess. They didn’t know how to help me. My dad and I said some ugly things and that was it. I haven’t spoken to them in five years now.”
I absorb his words. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a family for my whole life then suddenly have them gone. The most I ever got at the good homes were a few weeks, just enough to get a taste of what a real family would be like. “Do you ever reach out?”
“So much time has passed. So many words were said.” He swallows. “I became an alcoholic after I got home. The shit I saw in the war, the things I did. It ate at me, and I dumped all that hate and pain on them.”
“I bet they’d forgive you if you called them,” I offer. I hope that’s the right thing to say. I don’t have the first clue how families work. It’s another mark against me, another reason that I’m not good enough to be with Ryan.
“They have a place about an hour from here,” he says. “Every time I’m on the interstate, I tell myself that I’ll take that exit to their home. But I never do.”
“Maybe one day you’ll find your way back to them.” Without realizing it, I’ve started rubbing his back in a slow circle. I’m not sure who I’m trying to comfort. I just know that it makes me sad to think that Ryan is as alone in the world as I am.
“Maybe.” There’s a note of uncertainty and pain in his voice as he speaks the single word. He shakes his head as if he’s clearing it and says, “Let’s go have dinner.”
* * *
Inside the ballroom where tables have been set up for a meal, I frown when I realize my name isn’t on a place card anywhere.
I try not to let it bother me that I didn’t get my own seat. I just started working for Alpha Defense and I bet the guest list was assembled weeks ago.
“You’re with me,” Ryan says as he tugs me toward his table. His words and the gesture warm me more than they should.
The dinner is a seven-course meal, and each dish is more decadent than the last. I’ve never had food like this, and I keep taking cues from Ryan about which forks to use and how to place my napkin.
Todd, the man across from me, is friendly and keeps up a steady conversation as I eat, which helps to ease my nerves. He’s a lot more talkative than Ryan who has been sitting in stone cold silence since Todd started conversing with me.
Ryan takes a sip of his water. Suddenly, it makes sense that there’s never any beer at Eric’s place and that Ryan wouldn’t accept the champagne I offered him tonight.
Todd asks if I’m single, interrupting my thoughts on Ryan’s sobriety.
Ryan answers for me. “She’s not.”
I frown at him, unsure of what to do in the situation. I won’t make a liar out of Ryan in front of all his work colleagues. He doesn’t mean that…does he?
