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Inch by inch, he slowly gains access while I focus on my breathing. By the time he’s all the way in, most of the pain has subsided and I can breathe easier.
“Is it better now?” He asks. The muscles around his jaw are tight.
I reach back to touch his face. “I’m getting there. Are you in pain?”
“You’re in pain, so yes, I’m in pain.”
I run my fingers along his jaw. Nobody has ever felt my pain. Nobody hugged me when I broke my wrist and cried. No arms wrapped around me when I had a nightmare or was sick in the middle of the night.
“Hold me.” Two words I’ve never said, a form of comfort I’ve never asked for.
Immediately, he wraps his arms around me, whispering into my ear, “I want you, kitten. I want you for the rest of our lives.”
Then he’s moving in and out of me. His first pumps are shallow, as if he’s still adjusting to the way I feel.
But when I bite my lip and give him a nod in the mirror, he changes his pace. His quick thrusts bounce me up, causing my breasts to swing with each motion.
I love the way he looks while he’s inside me. I love the fire in his eyes and the ecstasy on his face and the way his balls slap against my ass. I love the way he pants, his breathing deep and harsh against my ear.
“Watch this.”
He moves his hand and begins stroking my clit. I’m not sure what makes the orgasm so powerful—that I’m watching him or that he’s touching me. Either way, the pleasure that barrels through my body has him clamping a hand over my mouth just as his own release starts.
His body continues to twitch even as it’s still buried deep in mine. He groans and kisses my shoulder.
Slowly, he pulls out of me and I gasp when I see it on the condom. “Shit. There’s blood. What happened?”
He pauses and studies me. “This was your first time with penetration, right?”
I blush and nod.
“It happens sometimes,” he answers as he peels off the condom and tosses it in the trashcan. “It’s completely normal for some women. I’m guessing you didn’t get much in the way of a sex education.”
“I didn’t have a mom,” I murmur, feeling even more embarrassed. I only got to see her a couple of times when I was a kid before she overdosed in a back alley somewhere.
He washes his hands then reaches for paper towels. He helps me clean myself and doesn’t flinch or even seem grossed out about it. He’s acting like it’s totally normal.
Afterwards, he says, “Get dressed. Don’t let anyone in. I’ll be right back.”
When he leaves, I pull on my underwear and straighten my dress. I wash my hands and fingercomb my hair. But there’s no hiding the pink tinge to my cheeks.
Ryan is back quickly, and he passes me a small bag of panty liners. “You’ll want these,” he says.
I stare down at the product. My older brother’s best friend is buying me pantyliners.
“I guess I should know this stuff,” I say as I head into a stall. I don’t know why I bother to hide this from him. It’s not like Ryan didn’t just see every part of my body.
“It’s not a big deal that you don’t,” he says. He’s so calm and cool about it. The way he’s relaxed makes me feel like everything will be OK.
I reach for the stall door then hesitate, realizing I want to ask the question with a door between us. “Can anybody tell?”
“Tell what?” He sounds puzzled.
“That I’ve just had sex.” I don’t know why I’m so embarrassed. I wish I had Katie or Atlas to talk to about this. But I haven’t had the chance to see either of them tonight.
“No one can tell,” he reassures me.
I breathe a sigh of relief and open the door. I wash my hands at the sink and Ryan comes up behind me, crowding into my space again. He pushes his front against my back and being so close to him leaves me feeling secure.
