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“I’ve come with a peace offering,” I say, holding up the pint of chocolate ice cream in one hand and a teddy bear in the other. I look over to her window seat. Over the years, I’ve bought her fifty or so teddy bears, and she’s kept them all. She smiles at me and sits up. She makes a grabby hands motion and I come into her room.
“What’s this one’s name?” she asks. I’ve named all the damn bears. I bought the first one when I was thirteen. My first job cutting a neighbor lady’s grass, and I spent all the money to buy her a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day. That was Jasper, a hot pink bear with red paws. He’s on the window seat.
“Maverick,” I say, having given it a lot of thought.
“I love him. Thank you.” She takes him from me and squeezes him tight. It’s our ritual. She’ll even sleep with him for a few nights before he takes his place with the others. I hand her the ice cream and a spoon. She rips the lid off and digs in, making a distracting moan when she tastes it.
“Now, do you want to tell me what that was all about? You know I’d never fuck some bar skank, don’t you?” I never would, especially not after I was balls deep in the perfection she hides between her thighs. She nods, sucking on the spoon. Fuck, she’s trying to kill me. She knows what she’s doing. Doesn’t she?
“Hormones,” she says, shrugging as if that answer will keep me from asking any more questions.
“Ah,” I say. She’d be right, except I know she’s lying. Not only is it not time for that, but I also haven’t seen tampons on the grocery list in months. She hates grocery shopping. I do it, and I’d do anything for her. Buying tampons is nothing. “We need to talk about that night, May.”
“Do we?”
“You know we do.”
“Okay. Fine. It’s hard for me.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know where we stand.”
“We stand where we’ve always stood.”
“Oh. I see.”
“I don’t think you do,” I say, coming closer to her. I take the ice cream from her and set it down on her nightstand.
“I do, Logan. You don’t want to ruin our friendship. I get that. Neither do I.”
“Oh, baby. We are more than just friends. We always have been. Why do you think neither of us ever dated? Why do you think you were pure for me? Why do you think my cock never slid into another pussy? We were meant for each other. Allow me to show you how good it will be between us.”
“How?”
“Date me.”
She doesn’t say anything, scaring me, surely she won’t turn me down. I know she loves me; even is she’s never said the fucking words…
CHAPTER FIVE
MAY
I am lying here listening to him talk and say most of the things I have been wanting to hear. I know a little of anything won't be enough to satisfy me. I want to be brave enough to go for it, strong enough to risk it all, but what do I have at the end if it doesn’t work out? A baby and losing my best friend, my confidante, my emotional support, my everything. Sound familiar?
On the other hand, I have a baby in my belly. A baby whose father happens to be the love of my life, not that I have ever said it out loud; nonetheless, this baby deserves a chance. A chance to have both parents be there for one another, in love, trying to make a go of it. I won’t be my mother, however. I won’t settle for no fighting and all smiles. The fighting is how you know both of you are still in it. The fight is what keeps it real and fresh. I want it all.
I have to stop myself from putting my hand on my stomach as I think about his proposition and the child we made. I would do anything for this baby, including putting my heart and friendship on the line to give it the family it deserves. With that in mind, I take a deep breath and answer him.
“Alright, Logan. Let’s do this. Let’s give it a shot.” He smiles. With both of his hands on my face, he looks me in my eyes and kisses me. I close them and place my hands on top of his, just feeling his skin and trying to remember this moment. The moment when I chose to follow my heart.
His lips touch mine so sweetly, softly, as if he is unsure if I would reciprocate, but I do. I want to. There is no urgent passion and no erotic actions. We are sealing our commitment to making an effort. He pulls back and places his forehead on mine. My eyes are still closed because I want to remember this moment.
“Open your eyes, baby.” His calling me baby sends goosebumps up my arms. I open my eyes at his insistence, and he looks back at me. “You have made me the happiest man. The happiest.” His words make me smile and a tear forms. He looks at it and wipes it with his thumb. “I promise you won’t regret this, May.” I don’t say it, but I am praying I don’t.
We spend another few minutes talking mostly about our day and anything interesting that may have happened. When he leaves my room, I am so glad that tonight, at least, I am alone in a room because I need some time to dissect this mess.
Sighing, I take off my clothes. standing in front of the mirror, I turn to the side and rub my hands over my stomach. There is no bump per se. But there is a subtle difference, and I can notice it, especially when I am trying to put on my favorite jeans.
