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She blinked, her cautious gaze searching mine. She wasn’t sure if she could trust me anymore.
“I can call him if you want. He can put you in contact with her, and she’ll tell you what happened last night. She’s safe, Evelyn. I wasn’t going to allow anything to happen to her. She’s innocent.”
Her lips parted in a soft inhale at my final words. That seemed to sway her more than anything, but her eyes were still dark with doubt. She was scared to trust me.
“Why didn’t you just tell me instead of dismissing me?”
Fuck. I wasn’t accustomed to explaining myself to anyone. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Evelyn might require an explanation. All I’d cared about was removing her from the awful scene and getting her to safety. I hadn’t stopped to consider how she might perceive the situation.
“I’m sorry,” I confessed, meaning it with every fiber of my being. “I should’ve told you what was happening.”
She mulled it over for a minute, deciding whether or not she believed me.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “You should’ve told me. I’m a person, Massimo. Not a possession. You can’t just put me wherever you want me and keep me locked away.”
I lifted my chin. “I will do anything to protect you. Even if you don’t like it.”
She shook her head. “I’ve never doubted that you’ll protect me. What I want is your respect.”
I clasped her dainty hand in mine and held it over my heart. “I do respect you, Evelyn. You’re brave and kind and far better than I deserve. I fucked up, but I won’t make the same mistake again. I’ll explain myself in future.”
Something like longing sparked in her eyes. She wanted to believe me.
“I didn’t want you to see what happened after the auction ended,” I continued, needing to explain my reasoning. “All I could think about was shielding you from that.”
She paled. “And what happened after I left the club?” she asked, a soft challenge.
I ground my teeth, holding in the admission. She’d been horrified by my violence. I didn’t want to admit how I’d slaughtered the men who’d been complicit in the girl’s auction. She wanted honesty, but if I told her what I’d done, she might look at me with revulsion again.
“I did what was necessary to save her,” I hedged.
She shivered. “Just like you saved me?”
My stomach turned. “I’ve killed for you several times,” I reminded her, defensive. “You know that. You didn’t look at me like that before.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m evil,” I growled.
My mother’s final expression of horror played through my mind in a sickening loop, blurring with the memory of Evelyn’s fearful, blood-splattered face.
My fault.
My mother’s death had been my fault, just like Evelyn’s plight had been caused by my actions. She’d run away because I was too arrogant and controlling to bother explaining myself to her.
And my parents…
They’d been gunned down because I’d provoked the gang. I’d wanted to be one of those boys. My parents had tried to teach me that violence wasn’t the only path open to me, but I’d disdained their worldview. I’d always wanted to be dangerous, powerful.
Now I was.
And the only innocent, good hearted people who’d ever cared about me had suffered for it. My mother and father were dead. Evelyn had almost been raped.
I buried my face in my hands as the revelations crushed me.
I’d never doubted myself before, never questioned my choices. I took what I wanted and did what was necessary to live. But I hadn’t just survived Le Vele; I’d thrived in my criminal underworld. I loved the freedom my violent lifestyle afforded me, and I’d never stopped to think about who might become collateral damage to my selfishness.
My code of honor dictated that I didn’t harm innocents, but I’d managed to hurt the people closest to me. The ones who deserved my protection the most had suffered because of my choices.
