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Turning to me, he said, “Do I make you nervous?”
“No. Yes. No, I make me nervous.”
He grabbed my icy hands in his and said, “You’re cold.”
“No, I’m fine.” I tried to pull my hands from his, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Try to pretend things? I can tell you like me, or at least you want to. But you’re trying to pretend you don’t.”
“Look, Pearce, I ...”
“Alexia, let’s just go have a nice dinner. And let me hold your hands and warm them, okay? I promise I won’t hurt you.”
But that’s not what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of hurting you.
I nodded and said, “Okay.”
We went to Rick’s, a restaurant that specialized in seafood, and had a great time. He was very engaging, and I laughed at almost everything he said. I don’t remember any of it, but I was so happy that night. So fucking happy. No ghosts poked into my head to ruin anything. No memories of nights with men I didn’t know. It was just Pearce and Lexi. And it scared the crap out of me.
He walked me home and, on the way, he told me something that almost made me cry.
“I deeply regret letting you go that night, Alexia. If I had stayed with you, insisted on walking you home, you would’ve been safe.”
“Don’t say that. You couldn’t have known. Besides, this is the first time I’ve been out after dark and don’t feel scared to death. Don’t ruin it.”
He kissed me on my cheek and waited until I got inside to leave.
He is a dream come true. Why can’t I trust myself with him?
As I knew he would, Pearce called me the next day and the next and every day after that. Some days I answered, and we’d talk for a long time, and others I would let it go to my voicemail. Then he’d text me.
P: You can run but you can’t hide, lol!
I’d call him back. We’d meet for coffee, but I was still scared. I had to tell him something. He deserved an explanation of why I was behaving like this. I couldn’t disguise my feelings for him. It was damn near impossible.
* * *
Pearce invited me out for a bite to eat. He was picking me up in thirty minutes. Every time he called, my heart rate kicked up and there was a shortage of oxygen in the room. He had such a devastating effect on me I had great difficulty maintaining my composure around him.
When he knocked, I nearly jumped out of my skin. Forcing myself to take some deep breaths, I leaned against the door before opening it.
“Alexia? Why are you leaning against the door?”
How the heck did he know that? Did he have X-ray vision to add to his list of talents? I opened the door with a sheepish grin on my face.
“Are you okay? You look a bit flushed,” he observed.
“I’m fine, Pearce. Well, that’s not exactly true. I’m a bit nervous if you want to know the truth,” I huffed.
He cocked his head as his eyes tangled with mine. “Because of me?” He really had no idea of his effect on me.
God, this is embarrassing. I looked at my feet and murmured, “Yes. I’m sorry.”
He reached for my hand, and I felt that spark, the jolt I always did. His fingers laced with mine and he said, “Come on, let’s go and get a bite. Maybe it will dispel this angst you have about me.”
