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I bristled at that. The poor guy. What about me? In a trembling voice, I said, “There were two of them, and no, I didn’t know either of them.”
Terri hit the brakes with both feet sending the car into a near-fishtail spin. If I hadn’t been wearing a seat belt, my ass would have shot clean through my stomach and would now be plastered to the windshield. Bringing the car to a stop, she looked at me with eyes that dug into my soul.
“Please don’t go all mommy on me now. I’m about to crack here,” I begged.
“That fucking makes two of us.”
She wouldn’t stop looking at me and it was killing me. I clasped my hands in my lap and dug my nails into my palms. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from hers.
“If he were here, this would kill him all over again.”
“Oh God, don’t. Please don’t say that. I’m the biggest piece of crap around. I know that. But don’t rub my nose in it.”
The enormity of what she said bulldozed into me and I opened the car door, leaned over, and threw up again. Tears ran freely but I never really cried anymore. Not the sobbing sort of crying that you’d think of. Those days were long gone. Only a shell of my former self remained.
Terri grabbed my hands and held them tightly in hers. “Listen to me, Alexia. You know I love you. But you gotta promise me something right now.”
“What?”
“No! You gotta promise first!”
“Okay, I promise. What did I just promise?”
“You gotta promise to quit doing the recreational drugs. You have white powder all over the outside of your nose. I know you were coked up last night. No tellin’ what you snorted. Add alcohol to that and you’re a disaster waiting to happen. And what comes next? Meth? Heroin? If I ever got that call in the middle of the night, it would kill me. Promise me!”
“Okay. I promise.”
“No more drugs. Say it.”
“No more drugs.”
“I mean it, Lex. This is the last time I’m bailing you out. The next time you’re on your own. I can’t keep doing this for you ’cause it’s killing me. I look at you and see what you’re doing to yourself. I can’t do it anymore. Do you understand?”
I sniffed and nodded. She handed me a box of tissues and I wiped my face. “I’m sorry I’ve put you through all this. I know how close you were with him.”
“He would be devastated over you right now. Straighten up for him, Lexi. I know you. This isn’t you. It’s been three years now. You have to find a way to move on. Get into therapy. Anything.”
“I’ve done therapy. You know that. I think it made me worse. That’s when I started doing the stupid drugs.” I looked at our joined hands and felt hollow inside.
“You had a bad therapist. Try a different one. Anything, Lex. You can even do it online. I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore.”
She let go of my hands and started driving again. We crossed the Arthur Ravenel Bridge over the Cooper River and made our way into downtown Charleston. I lived on Legare Street, right off of Tradd, in a carriage house owned by the wonderfully wicked blue-haired Charlestonian, Lisbeth Rhett Dubose Rutledge. I worked part-time as her personal assistant in exchange for free rent. My other job was working as a waitress at Camellia’s, an upscale restaurant.
Terri pulled into my driveway, which was separate from Lisbeth’s of course (as no self-respecting blue-blooded Charlestonian would want to share a driveway with their help) and turned her car off. When she got out of her car, I began to get suspicious.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m coming in for a visit,” she answered as she made her way to my door.
“No! I don’t need a lecture right now, Terri. I’m tired, and sick, and quite frankly I just don’t want to hear it.”
She grabbed me by my shoulders and squeezed. I winced, feeling the bruising from last night’s romp with my two unknown bedmates. “Someone has to get through to you, Lex. You’re gonna end up dead one day if you keep this up.”
“Well, maybe that would be best for everyone.”
“Don’t say that!” Terri yelled. “You don’t really mean that!”
“My life isn’t worth a crap. Even my parents don’t give a rat’s ass about me. If they don’t, why should I?” I rubbed my face and felt sick and tired … so damn tired of it all. “Look, I just want to go inside, shower, and take a nap. Thanks for the ride. I’ll call you later.” I walked inside before she could get another chance to argue. She hung out in the driveway for a few more minutes and then I heard her engine come to life as she drove away.
