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But the idea of it, the sheer glittering possibility of it, of walking into that ballroom and showing everyone who ever laughed at me, who thought less of me because Jeff didn’t want me, who believed God only knows what he said after I left… all those people, all their eyes on me, me as I am now, not who I was then. The prospect is intoxicating.
That fantasy lingers long after we finish our lunch and say goodbye. I promise Mom that I’ll introduce her to Finn and Nic soon.
Even in the throes of imagining my own personal Cinderella transformation, as I walk back to the office, I realize I don’t need the movie makeover moment, that big, dramatic reveal in the final scene.
Finn’s smile and the warmth in Nic’s eyes when I open the office door, those are what I need. My lovers. My men.
Mine.
The thought bolsters my nerves. Later that afternoon, I text Moira a photo of the Sizzle HQ Ball invitation and tell her we need to go shopping. She replies with a confusion of emojis that I can only assume indicate something positive and excited.
Maybe I’ll get that Cinderella moment, maybe I won’t. But I won’t know until I try.
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23
FINN
Rusty’s Pub is a bar of sorts. Sully got me started coming here months ago, long before I moved into the city. No idea how he found it or why he keeps coming back. The food is solidly middleweight, though the beer selection is acceptable. Today he’s taken a booth toward the back, instead of his usual post at the bar, two bottles already on the table in front of him.
“Ordering for me now?” I ask, sliding into the seat across from him.
“Consider it an olive branch.”
I raise my eyebrows but don’t say anything, sipping beer instead. He wants to talk; I’m going to let him. That’s the whole point of coming here tonight.
Sully rolls his bottle between his palms and sighs. He’s a big guy, all shoulders and biceps from the days he worked construction. These days, he mostly just bosses people around, though I know for a fact there are plenty of times he’ll still get out there swinging hammers with his crew when they can’t get enough help or when there is more work to do than men to do it. God knows he’s called me in on enough days like that.
Sully looks defeated. Sully doesn’t do defeated.
“I’m sorry for doubting you the other day when you told us about,” he glances around and lowers his voice, “your relationship.”
“You can say it out loud, you know.” I can’t deny the word makes me a little twitchy. “Please don’t tell me you called me here to talk about our feelings.”
“Fuck you, Finn,” he says easily. Just like that, we’re on even ground again, though I have a hunch there’s more going on here than just Sully owning up to his shit. “Look. You have to know I only want the best for you.”
“You’re not my fucking father, Sullivan.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m not trying to be. But you’ve had some trouble staying in one place the last few years.” He keeps talking when I start to protest. “And all I’m saying is, that’s going to make it hard to be in any relationship. Let alone… something more complicated than the norm.”
I glare at the beer in my hand, already almost empty. Sully signals for another round.
I don’t like to hear it, but yeah, maybe he’s got a point. Nothing that didn’t cross my mind the first time I met Natalie. She’s long-term all the way; Nic, too. For all his rules and insane expectations of himself, he’s got commitment written all over him.
I’m just the stray they’ve picked up along the way.
“I care about you, you asshole. I couldn’t keep that bitch Susan from getting her claws into you. The least I can do is try to look out for you now.”
“I’m a grown man, Sully. You don’t have to do that.”
“You’re still my little brother.”
“Shit.”
“Shut up. You know what I mean.”
We both look hard somewhere else until the server drops off our drinks.
