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So why the actual fuck should I care?
My professional reputation is beyond reproach. My friends think well of me, obviously. My family… well, it is what it is. They’ve known me my whole life, and they still don’t get me. My being with Finn and Natalie isn’t going to magically make them understand me.
I can’t control what anybody, literally anybody, says, thinks, or talks about. All I can control is my actions. And suddenly, I’m just done acting like somebody I’m not.
If I can’t take a chance on the two people who make my heart beat faster, who want me to be a part of this incredible, impossible thing between us… what the fuck am I even doing?
I set my glass on the nearest table and blink, the room coming into focus in a way it hasn’t done at any other point tonight.
“Whoa, buddy, where’s the fire?” Tucker again, stepping aside as I make a beeline for the exit.
“There’s somewhere I’ve got to be,” I say. I can’t control their words. I can only control my actions.
Time to act.
The drive home is a blur. Thankfully, Natalie’s car is already there, so I don’t have to track them down in public. The restless need, the ache for them, builds under my skin beyond just the itch to touch and be touched. I need my hands on them both. Three days is too long to go without them.
I take the stairs two at a time, rapping my knuckles on Finn’s door. I have just enough time to wonder if they’re already naked and won’t hear my knock when the door opens.
Finn’s surprise melts into a smile.
“Didn’t think you’d be here until?—”
I shove him back against the wall, kicking the door shut behind me, cutting him off with a kiss. Natalie says something as she approaches. I pull back just enough to get my hands on her, pushing her up next to Finn against the wall, kissing her like I can’t get enough.
Who am I kidding? I can’t.
My hands are full of him and her and how the hell am I supposed to go back to living without this? Without them?
19
NATALIE
The flowers take up half my desk, but I’m not mad about it. Finn snatched up the card the minute the delivery guy left before I could even set down the vase. Daisies, roses, lilies, baby’s breath, flowers I had never seen before; you name it, this bouquet had it.
“For you both,” reads Finn. He stares hard at the card like he doesn’t understand the words, then blinks at Nic’s office door for a long time.
His closed office door.
“He sent us flowers.”
“Something’s wrong,” says Finn, his eyes narrowing.
I brush away the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. I can’t remember the last time anybody sent me flowers. My mom, maybe, when I graduated college. Certainly, Jeff never had.
“Flowers do not necessarily mean something’s wrong, Finn,” I say, smothering a laugh. He looks so confused.
Nic had shown up last night in a rush, only a few minutes after Finn and I walked through the door of Finn’s apartment. What happened next was awe-inspiring. He’d been inspired. He wouldn’t talk about the happy hour, but something clearly rang his bell last night in the ninety minutes between leaving work and getting to Finn’s.
“Maybe not,” says Finn. “But last night…” He clears his throat, shifting on his feet.
“Yeah. Last night was?—”
“Don’t say it.”
He’s fighting his arousal because we’re at work. I know what it looks like because I’ve been trying to fight it all week and mostly failing. I’ve never in my life fooled around with anybody at my workplace, never even considered it before, but these last few days, it’s all I can think about.
“We need coffee,” I say.
