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A black nose and furry face hover inches above me.
When the bear roars, it blasts hot air into my face, momentarily snapping me to reality.
Distantly, I hear Viveka’s voice telling the boy to run and not come back—not ever.
I squirm and wiggle, trying to wrestle the bear and break free. But Kenisius doesn’t let me go. His weight continues to hold me down, crushing me, breaking bone.
Viveka’s face comes into sight, drained of all color. “That’s enough, Ken.” She rests a hand on the bear’s shoulder. “We need to leave. The trees smell the blood. And in that state—” she glances at me, frowning. “He can’t protect us.”
The bear grunts in agreement.
“We need to get him to Eoin,” Viveka responds.
As if this day can’t possibly get any worse, now I have to see my nemesis.
nineteen
Help Me, Please!
Alessia
The last six weeks or so, I’ve stayed busy with training. The sessions are only a few hours long in the mornings. We’ve progressed from bodyweight to strength training with boulders, logs, and iron. But still no weaponry work yet. Sometimes the sessions are so brutal I spend the rest of my day eating and sleeping. Recovering.
My clothes are starting to fit differently, hugging my developing curves. There are hints of muscles along my body. Though I’m no stranger to labor and activity, this is the first time in my life I’ve been able to eat enough to support new muscle growth.
Putting on muscle requires eating in a surplus, Ken informed me, which is quite all right with me. The extra doughnuts I’ve been indulging in are a delight.
It’s crazy what eating more can do for one’s mind and body.
Though my debt is officially paid to Rainer, on days when I have enough energy to be useful, I tag along with Das Celyn, cooking and baking. It’s therapeutic. Best of all, I can sometimes convince Das Celyn to take meals with me. They’ve been eating more, and their mood reflects it. They have more patience, more color in their cheeks. And when Das Lulu is around, we even smile and make jokes.
It reminds me so much of my time with Char. My heart still aches at the loss, and I’m not sure it’ll ever stop aching, but it’s becoming more manageable. I’m learning to swim through the waves of grief.
Ever since I made a fool of myself with the berries, I’ve barely seen Rainer. We almost kissed. That I’m sure of. Or rather, I almost kissed him. But I’m not sure if I hallucinated the attraction between us.
Perhaps it was one-sided.
I’ve continued to dream of him, which is a nice change of pace from the nightmares I had before. But whenever I actually see him in real life, he glares at me. That’s if he doesn’t swiftly exit the room and dodge me altogether. That’s what makes me think I imagined his softer side. I’m a fool for it.
Even with Rainer reining in his hospitality, I can’t believe I’ve been here just shy of two months already. I can’t believe how at home I’m starting to become here.
Today, I dress in black tights, a fitted earthy-green tunic, and my training boots. Parting my ashy curls down the middle, I braid each side into its own long tail, tying the ends with a thin strip of cloth. When I’m done, I peek at myself in the mirror.
The girl reflected back at me in the gold-rimmed mirror looks like a stranger. Her forehead is relaxed, no longer marred with worry-lines, her grey eyes softer. There are no longer dark half-circles under her eyes, and her skin radiates a healthy peach coloring, sprinkled with light freckles.
She looks younger, happier, healthier.
I certainly feel it, too.
I’m still exhausted, but in a different way, a better way, and my new lifestyle is reflected in my appearance. Training outside in the fresh air each morning is good for me. Making friends—if that’s what I can call them; I’ve never had friends beside Char and Felix—is a new comfort. The nutritious meals with a plethora of fruits, vegetables, and proteins really benefit my body. The sleep and abuse-free environment benefit my mind.
If this short time has been so good to me, I can’t imagine what living here permanently would be like. The more time that passes, the harder I expect it will be to leave. But I shake the thought off. I don’t belong here, no matter how comfortable I am at the moment. The point of staying, training, is to grow strong enough to forge my own path forward. Whether I want to return to Dovenak and seek my vengeance on the lord and lady, or continue my search for peace in Avylon, I don’t know yet. But either way, that decision belongs to me.
Rainer, despite his rudeness, has truly given me a gift I cannot repay—the gift of my own life back. A place to thrive and grow.
But I know I cannot stay here forever.
When I make my way out to the manicured section of the lawn for training, I spot Viv and Ken waiting for me. Next to them are four different sized boulders ranging from the size of my head, all the way up to the size of a carriage wheel.
