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“I never said I was a nice guy, Alessia. Never pretended to be anything other than what I am—but I promise I’ve only tried to protect you since I met you. I…”
“Yes?”
“I care about you. And I beg you to forgive me.” His expression is genuine.
That causes me to crack a smile. “You can’t just use manners and expect me to forgive you, Rainer.”
He clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Please?”
Okay, maybe he can use manners and earn my forgiveness, because his authenticity floods me with emotion. I know the fae don’t easily use manners.
“I forgive you,” I say. He freezes, a surprised look overtaking his features. “What?” I ask with a laugh.
“I had hoped you’d forgive me, but I hadn’t expected it so easily.”
“Rainer, I’ve met many bad people in my life, and you aren’t like them.”
“I wish I were better for you,” he mutters.
My heart lifts at his teasing, his vulnerability. “Let me be the mercy you deserve, Rainer.”
“But I hurt you.”
A soft laugh flows from my lips. What he’s done to me is nothing compared to what I’ve gone through. I flash back to the lord’s whippings, his hands tainting my skin with unwelcome touches. I think of the lady and her taunts and cruelty. Finally, a flash of Felix’s face pops into mind—he never once tried to protect me or encourage my dreams.
“I truly despised you at first,” he says with a soft chuckle. “For only a brief moment. Because of what you are—what you represent to me. I tried to push you away, but your beauty enraptured me.”
“Rainer…”
“I’m not talking about your external beauty—though that comes in abundance—I’m talking about your inner beauty, your strength, your perseverance. I only wanted to stoke your fire, to bring out your fight.”
“You did hurt me, Rainer,” I repeat, “I know you were only trying to protect me, but you still hurt me.”
“And I—I wish I never had. Truly, Alessia.”
I know what he is—a fearcaller, a vampyr, a bastard prince with a trauma-filled past and uncontrollable bloodlust—and it doesn’t scare me. Because he’s also selfless, considerate, and flawed in the most beautiful ways.
And he never kissed Fern.
He wants me.
My body begs to touch him—to finish what we started. Especially now that we’ve cleared up the biggest secrets between us. I know his truths.
I bite my lip. “Are you going to stop talking and kiss me now?”
“Alessia.” His eyes spark with warning, his voice raspy. “My self-control only goes so far.”
“Maybe I want you to lose control. Maybe I want you to make me lose control.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t. You are in control, Rainer. I trust you.”
“Your trust means everything to me, but I can’t trust myself.” His eyes roam my body, and his eyes flash a stormy blue, and this time, when they darken, they stay black. He groans. “Touching you will ruin us both.” Before I can reply, he stands. “Go to sleep, Alessia. Find me in your dreams. I can touch you there.”
He backs away, a torn expression on his face. When he turns and bolts away, rejection fills me once again, but then I shake it off. He admitted that he wants me.
He let me in.
