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“Blackjack asked about doing something for Theo’s anniversary. I guess it knocked me a little.”
He sits next to me, and instantly, heat builds in my belly. I don’t know what it is about Trick, but he calms all that noise in my head, and I feel safe with him.
His broken parts are as chipped as mine, and he doesn’t judge me for that.
“You okay with that?”
“Of course.” I run a hand over Sophia’s hair.
“That’s twice now you’ve lied to me,” he accuses. “Start being honest.” I don’t counter his words, letting him build his own assumptions. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
Before I can stop myself, I scoff. “Sure, I don’t.”
Theo belonged to the club far more than he ever belonged to me. Didn’t matter that I was his wife, that I was going to be the mother of his child. The moment he put on those patches, he became property of the Sons just as much as I became his. So, the club will do whatever the club wants to, whether I like it or not.
I just want to forget everything, bury it deep in the vaults of my shattered mind.
“I’m serious. I’ll talk to Howler and Blackjack right now if you tell me you don’t want a memorial.”
I watch Sophia as she throws grabby hands in my direction. “The club wants to celebrate Theo. No one cares what I want.”
He collars the back of my neck, and I snap my attention to him immediately as his heat sears my skin. Confusion wars within me. I shouldn’t feel anything for him. He might be different to the others, but he still wears the club’s colours. I know how it works—Theo would have sold me to the highest bidder if the club asked it of him.
And Trick would do the same.
Except… he hadn’t. He’d chosen to avenge his wife over his loyalty to his patch. That’s the difference between him and Theo.
As I peer into his eyes, flutters beat against the inside of my stomach and all I feel is safe.
The first time I met Trick, I’d been out of foster care for two years. Life had been hard and my behaviour reckless to the point of dangerous back then. Trick had been the first man to treat me like a human, but it was Theo who elbowed his way into my heart. He’d given me everything I craved and more.
“I fucking care what you want, Heidi.”
My eyes burn at his sincerity.
“Then I don’t want it to happen,” I admit quietly.
“Then it won’t.”
I know I should explain, offer some lie as to why I don’t want my husband’s friends to celebrate his life, but I can’t think of a single thing to say that isn’t the truth, so I keep my silence.
Trick lets go of me, and I miss instantly the searing heat of his palms against my skin. This is dangerous ground to walk upon. I want to trust him, but I know where that path leads—the club always comes first.
“I know you’re probably thinking I’m awful for this.”
“I’m not thinking anything,” he says.
“It just… brings up a lot of really painful memories when I remember what happened back then. I don’t even know who it was who hurt him. I mean, I know it was a club job that went sideways, but that’s all I know.”
I expect him to shut me down, just like Blackjack did, but Trick doesn’t do that. He leans forward a little. “There were five of them. It was a low-level gang that was trying to get a foothold on the edge of our territory. They saw Crow alone in his kutte and seized the chance to make their move. The police put it down to a robbery gone wrong since he was found near a cash machine, beat to hell, but it was a status thing.”
I never believed the robbery angle either. When the hospital gave me his belongings, he still had his wallet on him with money and coins in it. His phone, too.
I turn away to hide the pain blooming through my chest as flashes of that night flicker through my mind. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block it out.
“I know it doesn’t mean shit, but we didn’t let them die easily,” he tells me the same thing Blackjack had, but I believe it coming from him. “They suffered. I know it won’t fix the pain of losing him, but no one got off easy.”
I press a fist to my chest, my heart squeezing painfully. “It’s not enough, Trick. It’ll never be enough.”
