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I try to reach for her, but she pulls away. “Sometimes, I think it would’ve been kinder if the club had taken your kutte.”
She walks off before I can respond, leaving me reeling. The anger she had toward the club has been absent since I returned. Heidi seemed like she was in a better place with everything, but something has changed in the last few days. I’ve seen it creeping in, and that little outburst is just another example of it.
What the fuck is going on with her?
CHAPTER 6
HEIDI
Istare at the calendar app on my phone, my lungs constricting so tight, I feel like someone has pulled on my back like the laces of a corset.
The anniversary of the day my life changed beyond all recognition looms in black and white on the screen. Just seeing that date sends shivers through my body, and uncontrollable waves of pain with it.
The ache inside me is as fierce now as it was then. I can’t even look at the date without tasting bile on my tongue and feeling the blood on my hands.
Fuck.
I blink, rapidly trying to clear the dizziness that swamps me as my vision rolls, making the screen wobble.
How has it been nearly another year?
And how does it feel like it happened only yesterday?
“Hey, are you okay?”
Startled, I snap my head up at Trick’s voice. I didn’t hear him step into the kitchen, and that’s worrying. How out of it must I have been?
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assure him, locking my phone and slipping it into my pocket before I reach for the kettle.
I don’t even want coffee, but I need to do something that doesn’t involve him paying too much attention to me. I know he’s worried about me. My outburst after Rage hit him must be playing through his mind. I can see in his eyes that he’s trying to understand me, and that’s disarming. No one has ever done that before, no matter how much vileness I spat, but I feel as if Trick is staring into my soul, trying to read my trauma like a book.
“Why are you lying to me?” His words are sharp, and my shoulders tense as my pulse kicks up a notch.
I lift my lashes to look at him, trying to suss out what he might know. “I’m fine. I told you that.” My voice cracks as I speak, as if I’m going to cry.
Fuck. I am. The tears are brimming in my eyes, ready to fall against my will.
All those carefully crafted walls I’ve kept in place start to tumble down, and I can’t stop it. Overwhelming pain lances through my chest, making me suck in a breath. I lean against the counter, my head dipped low as I try to calm myself.
Mortified that my mind decided this moment was the perfect time to break down, I close my eyes so I don’t have to see his expression while I lose it.
A hand presses against my spine, warm and firm. It’s such a basic thing to be touched by someone, but it’s been so long, I’ve forgotten how it feels.
I want to lean into him and seek the comfort he’s offering, but I swallow my words before they slip out.
“Heidi, talk to me.” It comes out like a command, and my initial instinct is to do what I’m told.
“I… can’t.”
“You’re fucking scaring me right now.”
I’m scaring myself. I thought I had a handle on this. I grip the edge of the counter, trying to steady my rasping breaths.
“It’s coming up to the anniversary of Theo’s death.”
And my child’s.
His hand twitches on my back, and I risk lifting my gaze to his. Trick’s face softens on me, and that makes my stomach dip into my boots. It’s a look I’ve only ever seen him direct at Sophia—and in the past, Mara—and I’m unworthy of it.
