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“Of course you’d have reason for trepidation after Elaine’s overdose. But I think we can agree that, as an opioid addict, she was in an entirely different stratosphere of risk from the rest of us.”
Not if her overdose was intentional. Or it wasn’t self-administered.
“None of the rest of our relapses would likely be fatal,” Liisa continues. “Not to be too flippant, but Simon’s not going to OD on rough sex, and Baljit isn’t going to die from gambling.”
“What’s your point, Liisa?”
“Your therapy has gotten us to this stage. Six long-term addicts who are all presently abstinent. But we’re still susceptible. Fragile. And each of us is far more likely to relapse if you stop the psychedelics cold turkey.”
Holly finds it impossible to argue with her point. “I am considering restarting.”
Liisa’s shoulders dip with relief. “With ketamine?” Then she adds hopefully, “Or dual therapy?”
“Only ketamine. At least for now. And it would have to be in a more controlled setting.”
“What does that look like?”
“Administering it individually. In sessions like these. Not as a group. But obviously, we could still continue with the group debriefs.”
“Makes sense to me,” Liisa says with a satisfied nod.
Holly decides the time is as right as it ever will be to raise the question that has been troubling her. “Can I ask you something unrelated to psychedelics?”
“All right.”
“When you and the rest of the group went to see Elaine…”
Liisa crosses her arms. “What about it?”
“You were the only mental health expert in the group. Did you think it was a good idea to go?”
Her eyes narrow. “It wasn’t my idea.”
“That wasn’t the question.”
Liisa shrugs. “I went along with the will of the group. To show solidarity. As a fellow client, not as a counselor.”
“Of course.” Holly is tempted to ask Liisa what distressed JJ so much about that intervention, but she knows it would be a flagrant ethical transgression to discuss one client’s issues with another. That doesn’t apply to the dead though. “How did Elaine seem to you?”
“We caught her by surprise, obviously.” Liisa pauses. “She was quiet. Withdrawn even. Defensive, too.”
“But did your therapeutic instincts tell you she was on the verge of a relapse?”
Liisa considers it for a moment. “Not really, no.”
“Or suicidal?”
Liisa’s face scrunches. “You think Elaine deliberately overdosed?”
“Not necessarily. I just wondered what you thought.”
Liisa shakes her head. “I didn’t remotely get that sense from her.”
“I see.”
“In fact, her defensiveness aside, the one other word I would’ve used to describe Elaine that day might have been: determined.” Liisa stares at her so intently that Holly has to look away.
CHAPTER 24
