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CHAPTER 19
Long before Holly bought herself a watch that tracked her daily steps, she loved to walk. Sometimes she wonders if it’s built into her DNA. Even as a young child, she used to trek miles with her parents and grandparents. And ever since she moved into her fourth-floor rental unit in the condo building off Cliff Road, she often leaves her car in the garage and walks the one-and-a-half miles to and from work.
As she approaches the entrance to her building now, she sees the stooped form of an elderly man sitting on the bench under the front light.
“Papa!” she says, hurrying up to the door to greet him. “Is everything OK?”
“Everything is fine, Koala.”
“How did you get here?”
Walter rises stiffly from the seat. “How does anyone get anywhere these days? Uber.”
“Hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”
“Ten minutes? Maybe fifteen. At my age, who keeps time?”
She kisses him on the cheek, inhaling the reassuringly familiar scent of his cologne, a mix of sage and mint. “Why didn’t you call first?”
“I took a chance.” He shrugs. “Thought I’d surprise you.”
Holly grins. “You’re a sight for sore eyes. Come on in.” She links elbows with him and leads him through the door and up the elevator, forgoing the staircase this once.
As soon as they’re inside her condo, Holly puts on the kettle and steeps two cups of jasmine tea. She brings one over to him on the living room couch. “I can’t remember the last time you dropped in on me.”
“And I can’t remember what I had for lunch or breakfast.” He chuckles. “I don’t get out much since this macular degeneration set in. But I do miss being able to drive myself. Matter of fact, after your grandmother, it’s the thing I miss the very most about my eighties.” He laughs. “Ah, how youth is wasted on the young.”
“And yet you’re here now?”
“I can’t visit my own granddaughter? When did you become so suspicious?”
“Papa…”
“I had to pick up a prescription in town.” His blue eyes are paler than they used to be but just as penetrating. “I wanted to see you, all right? I’ve been concerned. After the way you lost your patient…”
Holly can’t stop herself from wrapping him in another hug. It occurs to her that his love is the only unconditional thing she has in her life.
“Is it that bad, Koala?” he asks with his rough face still pressed to her cheek.
“I don’t know,” she says, releasing him. “So much has happened in the past few days.”
“My Uber ride wasn’t cheap. Make it worth my while. Tell your papa.”
And she does. Holly describes how she reconnected with Aaron, despite her ongoing ambivalence about their relationship, and her subsequent confrontation with his son. She admits to her gnawing guilt over Elaine’s death, which is compounded by her relief that Elaine’s allegations will never see the light of day. And then Holly tells Walter about her mixed feelings over continuing psychedelic therapy with the remaining group members.
Walter studies her quizzically. “The others in this group? They want to continue with psychedelics?”
“They do, yes.”
He nods. “Losing a patient to suicide or an overdose… it happens to all psychiatrists, no?”
“To most. And I get it. If my client had been on some well-established antidepressant, of course, I wouldn’t stop that same medication on all the other patients it was helping.”
Walter reaches for his cup without commenting.
“But as we’ve discussed, Papa, I’m pushing the boundary of mainstream medicine and psychiatry. We know how effective psychedelics are, but there are so many doubters. A lot of people are watching, some of whom want us to fail. Especially since Simon went public. If that reporter from the Orange County Register ever found out about Elaine…” She whistles.
“Has anyone linked your patient’s death to psychedelics?”
