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I knew I was spilling every damned emotion I’d kept buried these last weeks, years, centuries. I knew my words were like whips against bare skin, but I couldn’t stop.
“Nothing.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I have gained nothing for my sacrifice. Nothing but nightmares, judgment, and words thrown at me like I did not give everything I am, everything I have, for you all. For the world.”
One by one, their heads dropped, or they looked away. A hint of sadness crept into their expressions, but I didn’t need their pity.
“I had a crown thrust upon me from the moment of my birth. My life is not my own. It never was. It’s a thing. My life is sacrifice after sacrifice for you, for all of you, for the millions who live, eat, and die in this universe and the next. And then my life was bound to realms I had to keep closed by my father. You can yell and scream that what I am doing is unjust. You can say that I’ve fallen off whatever path you have concocted in your head that I must stay on, but you’ve lost nothing. None of you have.”
“We lost you.” Logan’s voice cut through the drumming in my head.
I turned and smiled sadly at my oldest friend. “I was gone long before Rashearim fell, and you didn’t notice. You all hold me to this standard that I have to meet. Do you know how heavy that is? The weight of it. You act as if I must know everything and how to fix the disasters that come my way, but I don’t have all the answers. I never have. And the people who were supposed to help counsel me are scattered amongst the stars, and the ones that are not deceased look at me as you all do.”
Unable to stay still, I paced, the hospital staff pressing against the walls out of my way.
“I understand I failed. I do. My father died because of me. I lost the war and, in doing so, sealed the realms and us here. I understand your disgust or loathing for me because I feel it, too.”
I rubbed a hand across my face. The bristles covering my jaw scraped against my palm.
“And you know what the funniest part of this is? It’s that it took someone who our texts label as our enemy to bring me back. That’s what she did. She brought me back, and it wasn’t in the way you think or some crass joke Cameron cannot wait to make.”
Cameron held up his hands and said completely unconvincingly, “I-I wasn’t.”
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “I didn’t have to tell Dianna anything at first. She saw me, all of me. Just as I have seen her, she is strong and selfless. I’ve seen her run headfirst into danger for those she cares for without a single thought for herself. She’s funny and smart and beautiful, so beautiful. She’s a fighter, a warrior stronger than any I’ve ever trained. Above all, she is a woman who had no choice in the life thrust upon her. Dianna survived against all odds for Gabby, and Kaden ripped her away. Dianna is not a monster. She never was. She loves, cares, and feels, and right now, all she feels is grief, pain, and loss. I’m not… I won’t give up on her. Who would I be if I did?”
The room stayed silent, everyone frozen and watching me warily, but I kept going.
“You still hold on to the same prejudices that the gods before us clung to. She was not born an Ig’Morruthen. Kaden made her. She allowed him to carve her from the inside out to save the very sister she lost. You see blood, death, and anger, but not the pain I see. You cast stones and judge her, but you stood by my side for eons while I shed more blood than she ever will. All of you made noble and honorable excuses for my destructive nature, but I will carry the consequences of it until my last breath.”
“That was different,” Vincent interjected. “You’re different.”
The ring on my right hand vibrated, calling the Oblivion blade forward. It hummed in my hand, and Vincent took a step back. The sword chimed, ready to eat, to taste death. The swirling black and purple smoke caressed it as I gripped the hilt. Everyone leaned away, trying to put distance between themselves and me, whether or not they realized it.
“Tell me what it is, what it does,” I demanded, lifting the sword and shaking it. “Explain to me how I’m a savior when the very blade I created ends worlds. Tell me I’m worth it. Tell me I am not the cause of our damnation. Tell me why I can’t sleep. Why do war drums and the screams of every battle echo through my skull? Tell me why my very existence is crumbling. Tell me how to fix me, Vincent, since you know so damned much. You can’t because no matter what you or anyone else wishes to believe so you can sleep better at night, it is the same thing. Dianna’s and my crimes, no matter if they are in the name of peace or not, do not differentiate. Death is death. If she is a monster to you, then so am I.”
Vincent lowered his gaze, the others following suit. All of them except Cameron. I recalled Oblivion back into its ether, and the world fell silent. Footsteps rushed down the hall, and we all looked toward the destroyed doorway.
“What happened to the room?” Imogen asked, tucking a small device into her bloody tunic and glancing behind me.
“Vincent made Samkiel mad again,” Cameron said as if I had not just scolded them all. “The usual.”
Imogen looked around and nodded. “Sounds about right. Samkiel, I just spoke to the council. They are furious and request you.”
“I’ll be there in a few days. I need to find Dianna.”
Imogen held her hand up, small runes forming on the blood-splattered floor. “Gregory is dead, and they have appointed me your advisor, and this is more a command than a request. They want to see you immediately. Samkiel, she took Roccurem.”
Rage squirmed through me, and I felt the color drain from my face. I gritted my teeth, my jaw flexing. Who did they think they were to command my presence? I would go, but they may not like what they got. “Very well,” I said with a sigh. “Cameron, you need to go home and rest for a few days. Vincent, get them updated on the rest.”
“Wait, why am I out? Vincent is the one who opened his mouth and pissed you off, not me.”
“You need time for your organs to heal,” I said with another weary sigh.
He opened his mouth to argue but then shrugged and nodded. “That’s fair.”
I turned back to Imogen and waved an arm for her to proceed. She held her hand out, and the runes flared, transporting us to the remains of Rashearim.
Twenty-One
Dianna. A Week Later.
