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He looked at his feet and rubbed his brow. Was he nervous? Mad? My heart quickened. Or was it something else? Something we had both avoided addressing. I knew it had to do with Elianna, but like every other sexual relationship I’d had, it wasn’t serious.
“Xavi. What is it?”
Xavier took his hand out of his pocket, and I froze. He had been shifty all night, even sitting away from me at dinner, and now I knew why. He pulled out a ring and put it on his finger. My heart stopped. Regardless of if I wanted it to or not, it did. He rubbed a finger over the simple gold band.
“He asked me to marry him. Proposed, as the mortals say, a few weeks ago.”
“Weeks?”
“I was unsure at first and didn’t immediately say yes, but… Don’t look at me like that. I haven’t told anyone. I wanted to tonight, but after Logan and Neverra’s big announcement, followed by Samkiel’s, I didn’t think it was the right time, and honestly, I just wanted to tell you first.” He fiddled with the gold band. “I tell you everything.”
I couldn’t speak or move, unable to tear my gaze from that ring. It mocked me.
“I said yes. I feel like, more now than ever, it’s time for a fresh start. He is good to me, and I want a life, too, you know?”
I felt as if I was no longer in my body, blood pounding in my ears so loudly that it took a moment for what he said to register.
“You’re joking, right?” I snapped.
Xavier looked up, shocked. “What?”
“That’s—” I started and stopped. “Do you even truly know him? I mean, you guys haven’t been together that long. I didn’t think it was that serious.”
Xavier’s eyes narrowed, pain flashing across his features. “Wow, you mean like you and Elianna?”
I couldn’t stop the words coming from my mouth. “That’s what this is? You say yes because of a tryst?”
The pain disappeared, replaced by anger, and then his face went cold, all emotion locked away. “A tryst? Like all the ones you’ve had for centuries? It’s always another girl, another guy, another being.” It was the first time Xavier had ever snapped at me. The first time since we had met, become friends, or whatever we were. “You do this now? After everything, you want to confess something now?”
“Xavi—”
“Don’t call me that. This is bullshit. You’ve been fucking Elianna and kept it from me when you tell me everything.”
“Oh, come on, that means nothing.”
“It meant something if you hid it. You knew my feelings and did nothing, or actually, you did everything but what you should have.”
“That’s not fair.”
Everything seemed to come rushing to the surface. Every emotion and feeling we had kept hidden bubbled up, threatening to consume us.
“How is it not?”
“Because you’re in a relationship, remember?”
“Yeah, I am. After how long, Cam?” He stopped and shook his head. “You know what? I am happy with him. He’s nice and kind.”
I tossed my hands up, rolling my eyes so hard I was afraid they would lock in my fucking skull. “Oh, bullshit. Any decent person should have those traits.”
“And he chooses me,” he snapped. “He has, and you know you have had years and years to tell me, to speak up, or to say something. You didn’t.”
He stopped pacing and raised a hand to his mouth. My heart hammered in my chest. How could I tell him I was terrified because of this, this exact moment? One where either he would reject me or I’d lose him forever because of what I did.
“I’m sorry.” Even as I said the words, I knew they weren’t the right ones. He dropped his hand from his face, and that’s when I saw the shine of tears in his dark eyes.
“You knew I was waiting for you. I waited for you to even notice me like that, and when you didn’t make a move, I respected your decision and what you could give me. I accepted you didn’t want me. Now I’m with someone who wants to be with me. He isn’t afraid to tell me he loves me or that he wants a future with me. He fights for me.”
It felt like he’d slapped me.
