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I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself. I was a liar. As soon as he left, that lurking darkness seemed to grow. It crawled and yipped in the corners of every room, its hands outstretched, threatening to devour me. I steadied my breathing.
“This is just your emotions, Dianna, nothing more, nothing less. You’re okay. You’re okay,” I whispered to myself, hoping I could convince myself if I said the words out loud. But even through the clamor of my thoughts, that damned voice whispered beneath it all.
“You’re running out of time.”
* * *
Despite my mood, the day was beautiful, and I spent it outside running. I hoped to exhaust myself. Maybe then my body would force me into sleep and keep the nightmares at bay. Determined not to allow that darkness to overtake me again, I showered and made an actual dinner before settling onto the window seat in the living area. I rubbed my sore calf, the house so quiet it was deafening.
I wrapped the long silk night dress around my legs, placed the small plate on my lap, and took a bite of the sandwich. The bread here was so much lighter, nearly melting in my mouth with every bite. Even the fruit seemed sweeter.
The sun had set a few hours ago, and a filigree of stars blanketed the night sky. I’d kept the lights inside low. Too much made my head hurt, so I kept it just bright enough to push back the darkness. I stretched and placed my empty plate aside, watching the stars spin above. Some of them seemed so much closer here, even a few nearby planets that were closer than the moon orbiting Onuna. The deep, otherworldly colors glowed in the night sky. A cool breeze blew in through the window, bringing with it the sweet earthy scents of the forest and the perfume of foreign flowers. All of it made the lack of wildlife even more apparent. No birds or creatures stirred outside. I hadn’t even seen any insects. I pulled my legs up, wrapping my arms around them.
“I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to be around me either,” I muttered, curling a long strand of my hair around my finger. A star caught my eye, twinkling as if in answer. It shone so far away, yet it was one of the brightest.
“What? Are you judging me? You’re just a ball of gas. What do you know?”
It flashed twice, and I reared back, dropping my legs.
“Can you hear me?”
One wink.
I tossed my hands up. “That’s it. I’ve gone insane. Now I’m talking to stars.”
The star flashed.
I placed my hands under my chin and leaned on the windowsill. The wind sent phantom fingers through my hair, teasing it back off my face.
“Well, star, I guess there is no harm in pretending you can hear me. It’s nice not to be alone. Without Samkiel here, that’s all I feel. But I guess I did that to myself. Or maybe I have always been alone.”
It twinkled in response.
“You can’t call me a liar. You don’t even know me.”
Another sparkle, and I plucked at the material of my dress.
“I miss my family, not that I really remember them after all this time. I remember my father’s and mother’s faces but not their laugh or voices. It terrifies me I might forget Gabby’s, too. I just miss my sister. More than anything. She always had the answers and knew what to say to make everything better.” My chest felt heavy, emotions hitting me like a ton of bricks. “She would tell me I’m stupid for what I’ve done, but she would love me anyway, and I am so afraid I will never have that again.”
The star seemed to dull before flashing twice more, calling me a liar. Then it hit me as if the star itself was telling me to look where I currently am. I turned and glanced around the house. It wasn’t a prison but a palace designed just for me and created by the one person I’d treated like absolute trash. A wave of guilt washed through me.
“I’m worried I’ll ruin that too, little star.” I pushed away from the window, not looking to see if the star responded, but I could have sworn light spilled into the room, could have sworn it answered, but it could just be my newfound insanity.
I headed upstairs, figuring Samkiel wasn’t coming back tonight.
My whole body felt heavy, but I didn’t feel tired. In the bathroom, I placed my hands on either side of the sink and looked into the mirror.
“Okay, inner brain, we’ve suppressed and pouted enough. It’s time to wake up.”
I stared at myself, squinting, willing my eyes to change.
Nothing.
I slapped my face hard. Maybe if I pissed myself off, I would wake something up. There wasn’t even a flicker of red. I held my hand to my aching, hot cheek, glaring at myself.
“Ow. That was dumb.”
Grimacing, I stood there for a minute, thinking. I spun, pacing back and forth in the bathroom, talking to myself like a madwoman. I turned and jumped in front of the mirror, hissing as if that would force my fangs to descend. Nothing happened other than I looked stupid.
