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He rested his arms across his bent knees. “When I wish,” he said, his body tensing and jaw tightening.
I shifted closer to him, sensing the shift in his mood, but he said nothing further. I knew something was bothering him, but I didn’t want to press, so we sat and watched the colors paint the sky in shades of orange, pink, and purple. It was the first sunset in a long time that didn’t fill me with dread, and I had him to thank for my newfound hope.
“Logan and Neverra want to leave.”
His words caught me off guard. I looked at him, but his gaze stayed focused on the sky. The setting sun gilded him lovingly, drops of water still sparkling on his skin.
“What?”
He lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “They want a life outside of this. Once Kaden is dead and this is all done, they want a family, a home. I don’t blame them, and I think Xavier wants out, too, even if he hasn’t said it. Imogen has the council and Jiraiya. She could make a life with that.”
My mind reeled. “But The Hand, I mean—”
“Are not needed if there is no threat. The realms are closed and will remain so as long as I breathe.” He looked at me, and I saw the pain pooling at the back of his eyes. He was losing his family, too.
“But… you guys are family.”
He turned back toward the sea, resting his head upon his arms and sighing deeply. “Yes, but for all intents and purposes, I abandoned them. I was gone for a thousand years, but I also think it’s more than that. I think they have been drifting apart for some time now, and I just wasn’t here to help keep them connected. It’s reasonable that after all this time, after all they have seen and done, they want normalcy. No matter how much I have missed them, I cannot be selfish with them.”
Samkiel swiped at his face as if I wouldn’t notice his pain. He loved them. I knew that even if I had never heard him say the words. Guilt stabbed at me. Here he was, bending over backward to help me, and the ones closest to him were slipping away this entire time. I scooted closer to him, and he turned his head, watching me.
“Have you ever thought about your future? What would you wish for if your life were your own?” Curiosity bit at me. The Hand had already planned. Had he?
Samkiel was quiet for a moment as he processed the question. He slid his fingers through his drying hair and sighed. “I had hopes and dreams when I was younger, before a crown, before a throne. Now? I don’t think about it. This is my life, and the price for that kind of freedom is too high in my case.”
“Well, if they all leave, I can promise to annoy you even more.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose and chuckled. “Is that so?”
“Yes, I mean, we’d hate for you to lock yourself away again.”
“As if I could.” He peaked at me. “Someone stole my room.”
“Hey, that was given to me, not taken!” I said, playfully swatting at him.
I couldn’t help but return his wide smile, happy that the shadows had eased from his eyes, and he didn’t seem so sad and lost. He chased away all my demons, and I would chase away his too. Only one of us was allowed to break at a time.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.
“No, I’m the one helping you. So tell me more. Please,” Samkiel said, reaching out to trace the curve of my lower lip with the pad of his thumb as if he wanted to make sure my smile was real.
“Okay. Here’s something you probably won’t like.” I sighed, but he merely waited. “I don’t feel remorse for what I did. Every single one of them knew what would happen if they touched her. I was very clear about it, and I don’t regret it. I would hurt anyone who hurt someone I loved. That’s who I am deep down. Overprotective and possessive, I suppose.”
“Territorial,” he added.
I pushed him. “I’m being serious.”
“I know, but you are telling me things I already know about you. Tell me something else.”
“Okay, how about this, then? I would rather have my reputation be one of blood and death than for anyone to touch someone I love again. I don’t want just power. I want fear so that anyone even thinking of messing with those I care about thinks twice.”
His eyes bore into mine, searching, and I wondered if I had gone too far. Would he finally see the monster beneath my skin and realize what a waste I was? Would he change his mind about healing me and send me to the cells under the council? Maybe he would feed me to Oblivion instead.
His lips curved in a soft smile as he tipped his head toward me. “To be loved by the great Dianna would be a gift beyond imagining. Anyone to receive your love and be claimed by you would be lucky.”
I blinked, my breath leaving my body in an audible whoosh. “That doesn’t scare you?”
He shrugged. “While your anger is a force that may frighten lesser men, it does not scare me. I told you, you never scared me. I have only been afraid for you, not of you. All of this is coming from a woman who has had everything stripped from her by force. Why wouldn’t you use force to keep what you love safe? It is what the world has taught you needs to happen.”
