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“He burned gardens after my mother died. Anything she loved was gone. He shut down the estate and moved us away, locking away every single memory of her, growing cold, bitter, and merciless. Although he said he never did, he forgot about her. He erased her, and I will not let you suffer the same fate. Grieving is another form of love, Dianna. Do not unlove her by burying it. I know it hurts, it's beyond painful, but if you bury her memory, you erase her. So I need you to feel. I do not care if you snap at me or call me vicious names as long as you get it out. Holding it in is only poisoning you. I will not have you destroy yourself from the inside out. I refuse.”
My eyes scanned Samkiel’s, knowing he meant every word he said. I ached for him even in my anger and hurt, but what was he asking? Whatever it was, it was too much for my broken and battered heart. I looked past him, scanning the horizon. I could damn near feel the pound of the waves, and all I saw was Gabby.
The images made my head throb, but I saw how we had run along the surf, kicking sand in our wake the first time we ever made it to the beach. I saw her holding my hand. I saw myself jumping off cliffs because she was too scared to go first. She always looked to me when she was afraid, and I always went first to make sure it was safe, to make sure she was safe.
“I can’t,” I whispered. My heart felt like it was rupturing, sorrow threatening to drown me.
“You can. You will.” He took a step back and held out his hand. “And not alone.”
I looked at his outstretched hand. Those two simple words. Not alone.
“No one was there for me after I lost my father, my world. Not until you. I don’t want you to go through this alone. It won’t be easy, and there will be days you will feel like you don’t want to get out of bed, but I want to be there for you. Every day if you will let me.”
I didn’t move, didn’t speak. Samkiel stood there waiting for me, and I wondered if he had waited like this every day after I left.
“The ocean and the beach hold such happy memories with Gabby. Ones I wish for you to keep. She loved you so much, Dianna. She would never want a memory of her to hurt you, and neither do I. Trust that I will protect you, every part, and I will do everything I can to keep you from being hurt as long as I exist. I promise.”
My eyes met his, and I knew he meant everything he’d said. These weren’t just empty words and promises. He’d proven it repeatedly. His hand remained outstretched. A yawning bridge between us, a peace offering, a lifeline, and I desperately needed it. I realized Samkiel wasn’t just a light to me but an anchor, a shield. And he had been for a while now. I released a final defiant breath, meeting him stare for stare. A truth whispered toward me, knowing without a doubt that with him, I’d never be lost again.
I reached out and placed my hand in his, finally ready to at least try.
For him, I would try.
* * *
I spent what felt like an hour walking up and down the beach. Samkiel never crowded me, he stood watching me, making sure I was okay. The wind blew, and I gathered my hair back and knotted it. I could do this and not break. With every step, the waves crashed harder, slamming against my subconscious. But I didn’t want to feel like this anymore. He was right. I didn’t want to hate the things we had shared. I didn’t think being here would make me whole again, but it was a start to something.
I walked to his side finally, stopping near him as I brushed my hair from my face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded, squinting against the sun as I looked at him. “You know you’re the only one who asks?”
Samkiel reached forward and stopped gauging my expression, a silent ask for permission to bring me some comfort, and I allowed it. He brushed a strand of hair from my face, but the wind just tugged it free again.
“We can—”
I gripped Samkiel’s arm, and he steadied me as I took my sandals off.
“It’s softer than Onuna,” I said, curling my toes into the warm sand.
He smiled and tucked his hands into his pockets. The wind played with his hair, blowing it across his forehead, his gray eyes clear and sparkling in the sunlight. “No one comes here. It’s yours if you wish it.”
“A whole beach?” I shook my head. “You’d give me a whole beach?”
“The world, if you wish.”
I smiled and brushed his hair off his forehead before staring out at the ocean. The sand grew cool and wet as I drew closer to the waves, Samkiel at my side. The water rushed forward, lapping at my feet. I wiggled my toes, watching as Samkiel did the same.
“I need to paint my toenails. It’s all chipped polish now.”
“What color?”
I shrugged, keeping my gaze on my feet, afraid to look up. “What’s your favorite?”
He chuckled and made a deep humming noise in his throat. “Hmm, I like red.”
“Flirt.” I smiled up at him, tucking back the few strands of hair the wind tried to claim. “Red it is, then.”
